I can’t help it, I prefer being positive to being negative. Yes, I’m often prepared for the worst, but that doesn’t mean I’m accepting or expecting the worst. Being prepared is just smart but I don’t see a purpose in expecting horrible things to happen. I’m not actually an optimist, I know the world isn’t sunshine and roses most of the time, but I don’t see the point in constant negativity. After a point it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, doesn’t it?
I suppose for me it’s probably more about my own lengthy relationship with depression than it is anything else. I’ve spent enough of my life clouded and shrouded that I just don’t see the point of doom and gloom and no-good-very-bad-everything all the time. I’ve made it my life’s mission to fake it until I make it and wouldn’t it be lovely if everyone else could too? Even at the bottom of a depressive arc, I can find joy – I’ve got two kids, a husband, dogs, a cat, lizards, and coffee – nothing can be all bad with all that around me day to day.
Sometimes, the negative gets to me and I just want to shake people and ask them what good it does to be so down in the mouth. I don’t mind attending the occasional pity party but when you’re throwing them every day, it’s a bit much and maybe the problem isn’t just the situation.
Everyone has their little black rain cloud days (10 points to your House if you’re now singing Winnie The Pooh). Everyone is a little bit Eeyore. But sometimes, a little Tigger is called for – do what makes you happy and BE HAPPY. For one moment out of every day, take a breath and look for the silver in that cloud. I’m not saying that everything has a silver lining – I’m not a fool – but don’t defeat yourself before you get started.
I was on the verge of having a little black rain cloud day today because it’s IEP season and I’m all tied up in knots but I sat down and went over the worst case scenario and remembered that even that isn’t all that bad. No one is going to yell at me or argue with me (pretty sure the one single cantankerous woman I’ve come across during my youngest boy’s educational team meetings is no longer in a position where I ever have to deal with her again). Everyone in that room wants the best for my kid. Said rain cloud got bounced and now I can get to work (more or less).
Right now, I’m coming out of what might be my longest dark stretch since maybe ever. The fact that I can stop and see it clearly tells me I’m coming out. I’m finding the world little brighter and I’m faking it a little less on the daily. That’s not to say I don’t have bad, jabberwocky sort of days but those are temporary (even if it’s hard to remember that when I’m staring into the maw). All the good things in my life, those are permanent.