That’s all I have left of quiet until August. I become accustomed to being by myself for the majority of days during the school year. I come to enjoy it – the freedom to get stuff done without the constant Mama Mama Mama. I adore my kids and, even better, I do actually like them. I’m just never really ready for the end of school. Tuesday shall be watch all the scary movies day because one child is too young and the other is too squicked out by scary.
We’ll have fun this summer. We’ll play in the pool, hatch and catch a ton of Pokemon, hopefully, try new foods, and (for me) lose some more weight. We’ll make things and build things and learn things. We’ll have a grand old time together – we very nearly always do. They already know I’ll be working – both with the freelance and with my books – so I’m not so worried about that. I’ll get stuff done but I am going to miss the quiet and the freedom I have during the school year.
I say quiet but I don’t actually mean quiet as there is always noise in my house as I cannot abide silence. But it’s noise that doesn’t require any action on my part – no responses required at all in fact – so it feels like quiet anyway.
I’ve got a new project I’m working on – the working title is Gods of the Fallen. I’ve put about 2650 words into it this weekend but there’s a lot of worldbuilding going on in my head. I’ve got some pages full of notes on the history of the planet, the science of the planet. I like thinking about how people would deal with specific things that we could find if we did colonize other worlds. How would we deal with a planet where you either never got to see the sun or never got to see the dark – both of which we humans seem to need. I’m having some fun with the mythologies but that’s always my favorite part of world building. I make the rest up as I go. I’ll note geography and characters and all of my little checkov’s guns along the way so I can keep true and make sure all those guns go off by the end.
I do have a fun playlist for this one. It’s in two parts because I’m still building up my Pandora station for it and some of the things are so not related that I don’t think Pandora would put them together. I’ve been having fun exploring the music of it though. And I have a whole bunch of new to me rocking women to listen to and you can’t beat that.
Today was more productive than just my writing. My oldest son and I planted most of the garden, I snuggled with my poor little Alfred who has a hurt toe and is absolutely milking it. Then I went to the store and caught up with an old friend and got caught in a super downpour where I discovered that there is a slight downside to my purple hair. Playing in the rain stains my shirt a little. At least it wasn’t a good shirt.
Filed under Life, WIP, Writing
I have been listening to the same handful of songs for about a week. I know there is something in my brain that this particular list speaks to. It’s right there, just beyond my fingertips but it’s coming. The more I listen to the songs, the closer it comes. I don’t know yet exactly what it is but it feels pretty desolate and angry which feels about right for right now. I really don’t think it’s a short story. I think this is a new book brewing and I don’t think it’s related to any of the ones I’ve written before. I see big, sweeping battles amidst a barren landscape full of fire and smoke and I’m pretty sure that’s not Earth’s surface they’re fighting on.
This playlist consists of mostly Black Veil Brides with a little Godsmack, Metallica, and Sisters of Mercy thrown in for good measure. I’m looking for more in that vein right now. I’m open to suggestions if you have them, especially a female lead with a sound/feel somewhere between Otep (a little too aggressive for this project) and Myrkur (a little too ethereal for this project).
Filed under Books, WIP, Writing
Believe it or not, she really is where I got most of my weird.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there!
I’m not a big big fan of mother’s day. I love being a mom but I miss having a mom. I’m at the point now where I’ve been a mom longer than I had one. It’s weird. I don’t really feel like this holiday is mine though. For me, it’s still hers and will always be hers (but I let my kids spoil me anyway because it’s fun and they’re awesome). Don’t worry – I don’t make sense to anyone else either.
I love being a mom. I’ve known for my whole life that I wanted to be one. My first favorite book was When I Have A Little Girl. I didn’t get girls but I wouldn’t trade my boys for anything in the world. I don’t think I knew just how big love could be until I had them. They say it’s like wearing your heart outside of your body and I think that’s apt – at least for me.
I do have older women in my life but they aren’t my mom. They don’t get my weird or understand that I’m not actually planning on growing up anytime soon or at all. Growing up is so overrated. You can still be an adult and get things done, paid, and fed without being a grown-up.
It’s been really difficult to write so far this year. It’ll come in fits and starts but nothing holds up for long. I know a lot of it has to do with the loss of my dad and the fact that I’m working something akin to a day job (or two) now. I tell myself that I don’t have time. Which is a great lie I tell myself. There is always time to be found to write. I can go to bed later or put down the paintbrush. I could do a lot of things. Today, I’m percolating on an idea that I hope comes to something but it doesn’t feel like it’s decided what it wants to be yet. Percolating is a heck of a lot better than where I have been. I need to do a lot of things but I mostly just need to put on some music, open a clean file, and see what happens from there. Honestly, though, I’m just glad to feel that spark again, even the desire to write has been dulled the last few months so feeling that spark come alive and not immediately puff out of existence again is awesome.
When my mom passed, there were a million things she would never get to do but only the big ones seemed to matter – she’d never see me make something of myself, she’d never meet the man I love or make my wedding dress, she’d never hold my kids or teach them silly campfire songs.
Now, a few decades later, with losing my dad, it’s the little things that dig in. I can’t help but wonder who’s going to pester me about how many words I’ve written? Who do I text to brag when I get my picky boy to eat something new? One of the worst has been final Jeopardy honestly. It was a little bit of a competition between us and to give credit, he was far more often right than I, but it was fun and silly and now it’s gone. I neverwill get to do any of those things again. He neverwill respond or pat me on the head or tell me what’s wrong with a particular plotline (or what’s right with it too).
I think with all the things going on right now, all the little transitions that are going on in my life, I’m feeling those holes in my life a little more today. I would give anything to show my mom what I’m working on using the techniques she taught me. I think my dad would be hugely proud of me for taking some of the steps I’ve taken recently with getting myself out there. I’m just missing them both pretty hard today and all the neverwills are squawking at me.
They’re terribly icky shadowbirds those neverwills.
It’s done. I’ve done it. After however many years of hemming and hawing over it, I do now have an Etsy shop. Nesting Dragon. I’m not quite done with it and I will probably continue to tweak it for the entirety of its existence. I’m never quite happy with things, you know. I still have some things to put up – my bottlecap magnets and such but I need to get some better pictures of them. For today, my priority is working on a cover and logo type thing but it is up and functioning. I think. I’m happy to get suggestions for the layout, the setup etc. This is a huge first for me.