Monthly Archives: August 2017

Under the influence of Dune

I’ve read the book a few times. The first time, I was too young and a lot went over my head. Really, you just don’t have the life experience at eleven or twelve to really take in all of it. The second time around was a deeper, more in depth understanding. The third, yet again. I feel I’m likely about to read it again.

For years, my go to when I’m having a panic attack has been to recite the litany against fear. It’s not infallibleĀ but it does often take me out of my own head enough to at least lessen things. Now, with everything going on, it’s a very different part of Dune that seems to be taking root. My whole body seems like it is becoming a pain box. I don’t know who’s holding the gom jabbarĀ but I swear, I’m human and we can be done now.

Fortunately, I’m now only a week away from my first appointment with a rheumatologist so we can start getting to the bottom of things, at least officially. I’ve learned a lot over the last almost two months though, about myself, my family medical history, and about the most likely culprits of all this nonsense. I also learned that ibuprofen makes me rashy. Yay me. I’m not too worried about long term prognosis really. I know the likely suspect is rheumatoid arthritis and I know that it isn’t as scary as it used to be. Medicine is an interesting and wonderful field and I have great doctors, I’m just really ready to have an official name and a treatment plan. At least then, I’m doing something more than trying to do some yoga poses or just muscle through like I should do.

Currently, I’ve got a nasty little end of summer cold to boot so, with the kids back in school, I’m curling up with my warm puppies and getting some sleep and trying to kick this stupid sniffly, drippy bit away so I can get back to just being hurty. One thing at a time please, silly body. Perhaps I’ll dig out the movie tomorrow and give it a watch. I could watch the Kyle MacLachlan version a hundred times. (And yes, it is very different but there is a place for both book Dune and that movie Dune in my life).

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When it rains

I’m not getting much in the way of writing done, though I did have a great typing day the other day. I’m learning a lot through my research and coming up on a lot of frustrating things. The 31st can’t get here soon enough. That’s when I see the rheumatologist. On the upside, I found another doctor who gave me a clean bill of health for their specialty – and we ruled out any problems with my veins too. But, where there is an up, there’s a down. I’ve developed a rash. It looks a lot like the dermatitis I get when my skin is allergic to something stupid like aloe or various fragrances but there’s a real chance it’s related to all the ibuprofen I’ve taken in the last month. I’m currently doing an elimination test and for the first time in my life, I’m really hoping I’m still itchy in a few days. I’m already feeling the difference a bit and I was certain that the ibuprofen wasn’t doing much. I was wrong.

I feel bad because I can’t do the things I’m used to doing around the house and in general. It is what it is and one of these days I’ll get it all figured out and we’ll get it under control and life can find a new normal that includes being able to do the things I need to do.

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So far, So Good

So far today, I’m having a pretty good day, physically. Which is really nice and a bit of an outlier event over the last month and a bit. I’m certainly not going to complain and hopefully take advantage of it! It looks like today might be a real writing day!

This past weekend I did another local event and it went pretty well, even if I did move like a geriatric snail. I may even have to get more books in before my October and November events. You can’t really ask for better than that. I’ve been quite surprised by how much fun I’ve had doing them – I’m sure it helps that my oldest child has been super helpful being my minion for these festivals and fairs. It won’t be too much longer before he’ll be off on his own adventures so I think I’ll enjoy his help while I can.

Next year maybe I’ll be in a place where I can do some bigger events that aren’t maybe as local but certainly might be a little more targeted to readers. That’s the goal anyway. Now I’m going to go write while all the joints are feeling loose and limber enough to type properly.

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While the fingers will let me

I’m going to type out an update – typing is so much faster and easier than speech to text. Though, if anyone has recommendations for good software that really works and isn’t ridiculous, I’d be glad to hear them!

This last month I’ve seen more doctors than I have in probably ten years. I have no answers right now but I do have direction, suspicion, and probability. There’s a probability that, come the end of this month, I’ll have an official word for the fact that my body has decided that everything needs to hurt.

I’m able to type today because a very nice doctor at the ER gave me a pain pill on top of all my stupid ibuprofen. My back still hurts some but everything is much more bearable right now. I’d work on a story or a poem but the headspace isn’t right for that, at least, not for the things I want to be writing. I’m going through a lot in my head right now also, reading up and researching and looking at all the available information. There are some very big, very scary words and, whatever you do, please if you don’t feel well, never look at the image tab! I do worry a bit about down the road, long term but the outlook could be a lot worse and a lot of people live quite normal lives with Rheumatoid arthritis. It could be so very much worse and I know that even when everything hurts and I’m frustrated that I can’t make my coffee without spilling stuff.

The kids are being great, the dogs are a bit more obnoxious, and the husband is always awesome. I couldn’t ask for better. My puppy is struggling a bit to understand why he can’t sit on my feet right now but he’s the best ever heating pad. The kids keep me in line though – I said something to someone about feeling like my body was trying to kill me and the youngest was very quick to remind me that if my body was really trying to kill me, I’d be dead. Yeah, I have no idea at all where he gets his morbid sensibility. Not even a little /s.

My appointment with the rheumatologist is at the end of the month but I’ve read up, I’ve heard my doctors, and listened to the awesome ER doc remind me twice to make sure I made it to that appointment so …

On the upside, I do have one doctor who will give me a clean bill of health – made it through the dentist with no cavities or icky stuff and I think this dentist will be a good fit for us.

Because this is the most pressing thing in my life, I’m probably going to be posting about this for a bit, at least until we get everything settled out, figured out, and on the road to better. It may be a little while but I’m still going to be working on my art and my stories – just a little slower than before maybe.

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