Girl stuff is difficult

I’ve never been a real girly type girl. Growing up, I didn’t like the frilly dresses, rebelled against pink, and preferred my hightops to mary janes – much to my poor very girly mama’s dismay. I think that’s one of the reasons my mom was all for my hippy leaning goth aesthetic as I got older – I wore dresses again and flouncy skirts and beautiful heels – even if they were all black in color, they were fancy, flouncy, and twirl-worthy. I used to wear makeup every day and do my nails and hair, the whole shebang. And I haven’t done any of that in 17 years or so.

I haven’t worn any sort of makeup on a regular basis since I was pregnant with my oldest kid. I’m not sure if it’s the medication or the RA that’s making my skin stupid – red splotches here, dry there, greasy over there, and just an uneven mess – but it’s awful (even if the husband swears he can’t tell because he’s a very sweet liar face). So, I’m trying to be a little more put together and I’m mostly discovering that either I’ve forgotten how to do makeup entirely or makeup has seriously changed in all that time. Really, it’s probably a little of both. And apparently, I still prefer the hippy leaning goth aesthetic but sparkly. I really love the sparkly.

Tutorials and videos make the whole process look easy – it should be easy – but it’s not. Everything looks like a muddled fuddled mess when my skin isn’t allergic to it in the first place. I’ve been picking up samples all over the place as I can, trying to find things I can actually use but mostly, I’m just slapping stuff on my face, covering most of the red places, and being annoyed that it doesn’t look right. My nails are brittle and stupid and, apparently, I’m not supposed to use acrylics on my meds. Seriously? Bah. My hair is too fine to do anything with. Basically, I’m a ball of complaints and half of what I try makes things worse, not better.

I did get a really great witch hazel sample from Maple Holistics that, so far, I’m not reacting to, even though it does have aloe which I usually react badly to, but it needs a week or so to really know for sure. I’ve had more samples work out than not which surprises me a lot – maybe my skin is getting a little less reactive in my old age. Well, at least on my face. I am having some other skin issues I’ve never had before but they’re all part and parcel of either my disease or it’s treatment so, what can I do but work around that or cover it up.

I do wish it wasn’t so complicated or difficult (or freaking expensive!) to make myself feel pretty. And no, there will be no pictures until I’m confident that I don’t suck at it (and until I’m looking at smaller numbers on the scale). I wish I could get my favorite V ladies – Val Garland and Ve Neill – in a room for an hour so they could teach me how to do this properly as I am a very bad Instagram, YouTube, and Pinterest student.

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Filed under Life, Rheumatoid Arthritis

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