I have been listening to the same handful of songs for about a week. I know there is something in my brain that this particular list speaks to. It’s right there, just beyond my fingertips but it’s coming. The more I listen to the songs, the closer it comes. I don’t know yet exactly what it is but it feels pretty desolate and angry which feels about right for right now. I really don’t think it’s a short story. I think this is a new book brewing and I don’t think it’s related to any of the ones I’ve written before. I see big, sweeping battles amidst a barren landscape full of fire and smoke and I’m pretty sure that’s not Earth’s surface they’re fighting on.
This playlist consists of mostly Black Veil Brides with a little Godsmack, Metallica, and Sisters of Mercy thrown in for good measure. I’m looking for more in that vein right now. I’m open to suggestions if you have them, especially a female lead with a sound/feel somewhere between Otep (a little too aggressive for this project) and Myrkur (a little too ethereal for this project).
Filed under Books, WIP, Writing
Believe it or not, she really is where I got most of my weird.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there!
I’m not a big big fan of mother’s day. I love being a mom but I miss having a mom. I’m at the point now where I’ve been a mom longer than I had one. It’s weird. I don’t really feel like this holiday is mine though. For me, it’s still hers and will always be hers (but I let my kids spoil me anyway because it’s fun and they’re awesome). Don’t worry – I don’t make sense to anyone else either.
I love being a mom. I’ve known for my whole life that I wanted to be one. My first favorite book was When I Have A Little Girl. I didn’t get girls but I wouldn’t trade my boys for anything in the world. I don’t think I knew just how big love could be until I had them. They say it’s like wearing your heart outside of your body and I think that’s apt – at least for me.
I do have older women in my life but they aren’t my mom. They don’t get my weird or understand that I’m not actually planning on growing up anytime soon or at all. Growing up is so overrated. You can still be an adult and get things done, paid, and fed without being a grown-up.
It’s been really difficult to write so far this year. It’ll come in fits and starts but nothing holds up for long. I know a lot of it has to do with the loss of my dad and the fact that I’m working something akin to a day job (or two) now. I tell myself that I don’t have time. Which is a great lie I tell myself. There is always time to be found to write. I can go to bed later or put down the paintbrush. I could do a lot of things. Today, I’m percolating on an idea that I hope comes to something but it doesn’t feel like it’s decided what it wants to be yet. Percolating is a heck of a lot better than where I have been. I need to do a lot of things but I mostly just need to put on some music, open a clean file, and see what happens from there. Honestly, though, I’m just glad to feel that spark again, even the desire to write has been dulled the last few months so feeling that spark come alive and not immediately puff out of existence again is awesome.
When my mom passed, there were a million things she would never get to do but only the big ones seemed to matter – she’d never see me make something of myself, she’d never meet the man I love or make my wedding dress, she’d never hold my kids or teach them silly campfire songs.
Now, a few decades later, with losing my dad, it’s the little things that dig in. I can’t help but wonder who’s going to pester me about how many words I’ve written? Who do I text to brag when I get my picky boy to eat something new? One of the worst has been final Jeopardy honestly. It was a little bit of a competition between us and to give credit, he was far more often right than I, but it was fun and silly and now it’s gone. I neverwill get to do any of those things again. He neverwill respond or pat me on the head or tell me what’s wrong with a particular plotline (or what’s right with it too).
I think with all the things going on right now, all the little transitions that are going on in my life, I’m feeling those holes in my life a little more today. I would give anything to show my mom what I’m working on using the techniques she taught me. I think my dad would be hugely proud of me for taking some of the steps I’ve taken recently with getting myself out there. I’m just missing them both pretty hard today and all the neverwills are squawking at me.
They’re terribly icky shadowbirds those neverwills.
It’s done. I’ve done it. After however many years of hemming and hawing over it, I do now have an Etsy shop. Nesting Dragon. I’m not quite done with it and I will probably continue to tweak it for the entirety of its existence. I’m never quite happy with things, you know. I still have some things to put up – my bottlecap magnets and such but I need to get some better pictures of them. For today, my priority is working on a cover and logo type thing but it is up and functioning. I think. I’m happy to get suggestions for the layout, the setup etc. This is a huge first for me.
So, I’m home and (mostly) unloaded with an ouchie knee and tired feet but I’m very happy with the overall results of the day. I cannot begin to tell you all how relieved I am to have this first event out of the way! I was far more nervous than I probably needed to be but I didn’t have any panic attacks and I peopled pretty well and I didn’t even get sarcastic once! You could say that today was a pretty big deal.
It probably helps that my friend was at the table next to me.
I went in with absolutely no expectations, which I think was very helpful. I talked to a bunch of people, I sold a few books, a few boxes, a few bookmarks, an Alice in Wonderland inspired miniature topiary, and a few magnets and I bought myself a pretty octopus bracelet. I came out way ahead on the day and I’m actually even looking forward to doing it again. I’m calling today a win all over – not just for my goals but for me in general. I really did expect to have trouble with the people part of it.
For those of you playing along at home, you’ve still got a short bit of time to enter the contest to win one of my books!
Today is my first ever table at any event anywhere and so we’re celebrating. I’m going to give away at least one book and the rules to play are incredibly simple!
First: Like my Facebook page here: www.facebook.com/sarahwagner53
Like me on Facebook, share this picture or this post and maybe win a book!
Second: Share this image (doesn’t matter where: Twitter, blog, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest. They all count.)
Third: Let me know you did both of those things – in the comments here, on Twitter, on Instagram, or on Facebook.
Filed under Books, contest
Craft and Vendor show at the Holiday Inn in Weirton
Tomorrow I’ll be going to my first craft fair armed with books, business cards, and some rather geeky crafty type stuff. If you’re able to get to Weirton, you should come by and say hello!
I’ve got copies of Hunter’s Crossing, Eldercynne Rising, Hardwired Humanity, Guardian of the Gods, Sha’Daa: Tales of the Apocalypse, Sha’Daa: Pawns, Sha’Daa Facets, Sha’Daa: Last Call, and Chicken Soup for the Soul: Grieving and Recovery. I also have two poetry samplers, one of fantasy and horror poems and one of more literary type poems.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been making other things also. Some salvaged comic crafts, some Nazgul, a few sorting hats, a couple of pinhead hearts, and some things that are very different for me. I’ve got a trio of fabric face sculptures: Shadow, Lucy, and Nimue. I kind of like them and I’m not sure I’m not keeping Shadow.
If you can’t make it to Weirton to see me in person, not to worry! Come back here tomorrow for the details on how to win a book!
It’s weird knowing I’m not about to get a call to tell me, again, all about this day 38 years ago, including the bit where I was fortuitous enough to go ahead and be an emergency birth so insurance would cover it and my parents would get to go home with not just a baby but a full refund because they’d prepaid all the hospital fees for childbirth. No one is ever going to tell me that story again.
Honestly, I didn’t realize just how much I talked to my dad until he wasn’t there to talk to. I’ve had a very long time to deal with missing my mom. I’m only just getting the hang of missing him too.
Probably not the one you think. I would just like to urge everyone to talk to their at risk loved ones about the scammers that call and try to tell you that their computer has a terrible virus and they need to pay them right now to fix it. If I hadn’t called at exactly the right moment, my stepmom might have bought it. They can be very convincing. Not only is that not how it works but, if she did have a virus or malware, we’d have that taken care of locally by people we know and trust. So, consider this a PSA, please talk to your at risk loved ones – anyone who might fall for a telephone based scammy scammer or a popup scammy scammer and put a plan in place so that they know what steps to take in the event of a virus. Even if they forget about the scams, they aren’t going to pay someone over the phone if they know to call your local fixitallperson first.
Seriously, why do people have to be awful to each other? It’s not like my poor stepmom hasn’t had enough to deal with this year.bah. I do hope karma has something to say to them eventually.