It’s weird knowing I’m not about to get a call to tell me, again, all about this day 38 years ago, including the bit where I was fortuitous enough to go ahead and be an emergency birth so insurance would cover it and my parents would get to go home with not just a baby but a full refund because they’d prepaid all the hospital fees for childbirth. No one is ever going to tell me that story again.
Honestly, I didn’t realize just how much I talked to my dad until he wasn’t there to talk to. I’ve had a very long time to deal with missing my mom. I’m only just getting the hang of missing him too.
I was sixteen when I first heard Leonard Cohen. My mom had just died and I was a bitter, angry, broken girl (I am still those things some days). His words had no sugar coating, no false happy notes. His work was honest and imperfect and beautiful. His work has inspired my own time and time again. When I was in the darkest parts of my life, he, and the poets he led me to, were a solace of sorts. He showed me that poetry wasn’t just the dry imagery and metaphor we were taught in school, that music was poetry and poetry was music. It is possible that his music was the first to feel like poetry to me but I don’t know if that was Cohen himself, my own maturation, or the low pit I was crawling out of. I do know this: I am really tired of losing my idols.
Realistically, I do understand that it feels bigger because superstars weren’t really a thing before this great generation of artists. At least now these people know that they have touched people, brought comfort or inspiration or joy when it was needed. I know it really isn’t anything about this year but after so many losses, it’s hard not to feel like this year is just determined to break hearts.
Like Bowie, it feels like he got a chance to say goodbye with his last album. I’m so tired of goodbye right now. Cohen was the poet I wanted, still want, to grow up to be.
Champ sleeping in his younger days (2010)
For 15 years, Old Dog has been a good dog. He wasn’t always old but he was mostly always good.
We’ve known this was coming for a long time. He was able to stay with us far longer than we expected but it was time to say goodbye. We’ll always remember our Champ.
The kids are dealing pretty well – better than I am, certainly. Red Dog is going to take a while to adjust but I think he knew it was coming too. We had extra time we weren’t expecting to get – a few months – but that doesn’t make saying goodbye easier at all.
We tried hard to be busy today, to do normal things – we were supposed to have a yard sale – but I should have known better. I’m not good at being personable on a good day and today is not a good day. The weather gets it – torrential downpour that stopped the minute Older Child and I had everything cleaned up. It’s been that kind of day, that kind of summer, and that kind of year. No year is without good points but damn if this year doesn’t seem to be full of terrible no good very bad moments.
Filed under Animals, Life
David Bowie has died and my heart goes out to his family.
I’ve suspected for a while that I’m getting old but now I know for sure. Getting old for me doesn’t seem to be about age. Getting old is losing my heroes and today I’ve lost another. For me, he was The Goblin King, Ziggy Stardust and The Man Who Sold the World. He was an incredible artist and an inspiration. He was magic.
The more people-sized holes appear in my life, the older I feel. I hope very much that his family is surrounded by support and love and that they know how large an influence he had and how well he will be remembered for the art he created and the beauty and magic he gave to the world.