Tag Archives: Sad

Summer is Weird

By the time I get the schedule figured out to do all the things I need to be doing, school will be back in session. That’s ok. We’ll have fun. The youngest is ready to go hunt Pokemon again. The oldest is being a teenager (but at least he’s not half as teenagery as I was). I’m working on a few new crafty things but I really don’t like how they’re turning out just yet so it’s back to sewing machine with me. I’m working on a new book that I like very much. I’m doing a lot of figuring though – between the colony ships, timelines, and a whole new set of mythologies to work up, most of the work so far has been in my head. Well, technically it was in a notebook but Alfred decided I took too long at the bus stop one morning and now that notebook is gone.

It’s been really hard to be productive this year. I find myself all the time wishing I could send a few pages to my dad so he could tell me if it made any sort of sense at all. It was a huge benefit for me to have someone who didn’t read fiction reading my fiction. If something wasn’t explained adequately enough, he was quick to let me know so I could do better. And he was always supportive. He never tried to get me to write a different “Gendre” (that’s genre with a random D in it? I don’t get it either but now I miss it). He certainly tried to get me to read more nonfiction but he was only supportive with the writing. It’s weird knowing I don’t have that anymore. Yes, my family is supportive in their own way – mostly, that they let me do it without too many interruptions but it’s not the same thing as having someone who makes a point to ask if you’ve gotten any words on the daily. It’s stupid because that irritated me when I was struggling to write and now, I miss it terribly.

I can’t just stop everything though, can I? not if I want to reach the goals I set for myself. And I’m going to reach them. It may take me another 20 years but, so be it. I’ll get there. I’m doing a marathon, not a sprint. And now I have to go write someone else’s obituary. 😦 RIP to Adam West.

And now I have to go write someone else’s obituary over at the Geek Girl Project. 😦 RIP to Adam West.

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Filed under Crafts, Life, Writing

It’s Weird Now

It’s weird knowing I’m not about to get a call to tell me, again, all about this day 38 years ago, including the bit where I was fortuitous enough to go ahead and be an emergency birth so insurance would cover it and my parents would get to go home with not just a baby but a full refund because they’d prepaid all the hospital fees for childbirth. No one is ever going to tell me that story again.

Honestly, I didn’t realize just how much I talked to my dad until he wasn’t there to talk to. I’ve had a very long time to deal with missing my mom. I’m only just getting the hang of missing him too.

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Filed under Life

Another Hero Lost

I was sixteen when I first heard Leonard Cohen. My mom had just died and I was a bitter, angry, broken girl (I am still those things some days). His words had no sugar coating, no false happy notes. His work was honest and imperfect and beautiful. His work has inspired my own time and time again. When I was in the darkest parts of my life, he, and the poets he led me to, were a solace of sorts. He showed me that poetry wasn’t just the dry imagery and metaphor we were taught in school, that music was poetry and poetry was music.  It is possible that his music was the first to feel like poetry to me but I don’t know if that was Cohen himself, my own maturation, or the low pit I was crawling out of.  I do know this: I am really tired of losing my idols.

Realistically, I do understand that it feels bigger because superstars weren’t really a thing before this great generation of artists.  At least now these people know that they have touched people, brought comfort or inspiration or joy when it was needed. I know it really isn’t anything about this year but after so many losses, it’s hard not to feel like this year is just determined to break hearts.

 

Like Bowie, it feels like he got a chance to say goodbye with his last album. I’m so tired of goodbye right now. Cohen was the poet I wanted, still want, to grow up to be.

 

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Filed under Life, Memories, music

Old Dog :(

Champ sleeping in his younger days (2010)

Champ sleeping in his younger days (2010)

For 15 years, Old Dog has been a good dog. He wasn’t always old but he was mostly always good.

We’ve known this was coming for a long time. He was able to stay with us far longer than we expected but it was time to say goodbye. We’ll always remember our Champ.

The kids are dealing pretty well – better than I am, certainly. Red Dog is going to take a while to adjust but I think he knew it was coming too. We had extra time we weren’t expecting to get – a few months – but that doesn’t make saying goodbye easier at all.

We tried hard to be busy today, to do normal things – we were supposed to have a yard sale – but I should have known better. I’m not good at being personable on a good day and today is not a good day. The weather gets it – torrential downpour that stopped the minute Older Child and I had everything cleaned up.  It’s been that kind of day, that kind of summer, and that kind of year. No year is without good points but damn if this year doesn’t seem to be full of terrible no good very bad moments.

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Filed under Animals, Life

Sad day

David Bowie has died and my heart goes out to his family.

I’ve suspected for a while that I’m getting old but now I know for sure. Getting old for me doesn’t seem to be about age. Getting old is losing my heroes and today I’ve lost another. For me, he was The Goblin King, Ziggy Stardust  and The Man Who Sold the World. He was an incredible artist and an inspiration. He was magic.

The more people-sized holes appear in my life, the older I feel. I hope very much that his family is surrounded by support and love and that they know how large an influence he had and how well he will be remembered for the art he created and the beauty and magic he gave to the world.

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Filed under Life