Shoes!

I took a little writing break this week, I needed a bit of a recharge and to make something tangible. I’m really proud of the final outcome, even if they aren’t perfect.

Handpainted Fullmetal Alchemist Shoes

A few years ago I painted a pair of shoes for my eldest child all relating to Fullmetal Alchemist, his favorite anime. I thought it might be fun to paint myself a pair, not for FMA though, I never want to paint Al again! I wish I had the artistic skill to match my desire to make things!

 

 

 

 

All the things I think are cute!

Spot (Cthulhu) from Howard Lovecraft and the Frozen Kingdom

Gurgi from The Black Cauldron

I started with a pair of canvas shoes in my size (boat feet ahead!). I started with some carbon paper and some reference material only to remember that it doesn’t really do more than give you a muddy outline on the best of surfaces. But it was enough that I was able to put in and tweak the smaller details.

Then it was all the painting for a very long time. I forget how much time it takes to paint when you really have no skill with it! I am not the worst at mixing color though! I had to tweak some of the color for Spot – he’s so dark it’s hard to distinguish patterns and shapes so I went with grays and greens instead of black and brown and I really love how he turned out. I am NOT a fan of my Kuro (Blue Exorcist) though – I should have made him bigger and used a different reference picture – there’s no spark to this one. I had wanted to do some more complicated characters like Falcor or a Loth Wolf but I really don’t have the skill for that when the tracing doesn’t work very well on these shoes so I scrapped some of my favorites for other really neat things that I can actually draw like the worm from Beetlejuice or a pipe piranha. I do still need something in my life with a Loth Wolf on it – they’re my favorite animal in all the Star Wars universe and the Loth Cat I managed to do an ok job with just isn’t the same!

Beetlejuice Worm, the little Cow from FMA, Charlotte from Charlotte’s Web, Kuro from Blue Exorcist, the panda from Fullmetal, and Iz, and a Pipe Piranha

Vulpix, K9, the Cheshire cat, Jiji from Kiki’s delivery service, Nee from Blue Exorcist, Twink from Rainbow Brite, and the Loth cat that you can’t really see.

Finished Shoes

Anxiety is Stupid

Very vivid dreams + regular anxiety + oddly specific situational anxiety = no good sleep for Sarah.

I have phone issues – I don’t like talking on the phone and I try my damnedest to avoid ever actually calling anyone (I love the internet so so much!). I had what must have been a dream last night though it took me hours to convince myself that it really was a dream.

In the dream, I woke up and looked at my phone and there was an email from a name I didn’t know, replying to me, something along the lines of “It will be fine” with no other information, not the original email, no hint who the lady was (and I remember it being a lady’s name but I don’t remember and didn’t recognize it). I woke up convinced it was a real thing, convinced I’d somehow sleep-emailed some poor lady. I went through my phone, the sent folder, the trash, no sign of anything.

I had a horrible time getting back to sleep. I should have given up the ghost and turned on the murder channel (Discovery ID) because I can almost always fall asleep to that. I managed a bit off an on until I was woken up at 5ish to wet dog feet in my neck – thanks Hubster! (He lets them out before he heads for the gym before work and apparently, the ground was wet today).

I still haven’t been able to shake this dream but it wasn’t a bad dream really, just a weird one that caused me to go a tiny bit bats trying to prove it was actually a dream and I did not, in fact, sleep-email some stranger. This is not the post I planned to write today but I guess you’ll get the one I was going to write tomorrow or over the weekend – my latest project turned out pretty cute!

This isn’t the craziest dream I’ve ever had but it was the most real-feeling. I’m still having trouble acknowledging that I did not email nor receive a reply from this imaginary lady. Even if the message itself is probably a good one. It’s always nice to be told that everything will be fine. Next time though, maybe the universe can convey that via rainbow unicorn or dancing flowers.

Writing Wednesday – Impostor Syndrome

I know it’s sort of a strange topic for a writing Wednesday post but I think it’s something that goes hand in hand with the process, especially when you’ve just hit send on that submission or are waiting for your first reviews to come in.

Impostor Syndrome is a common thing among creative people. At least it is among the people I know.  It’s more than just doubts, not some false humbleness, and really annoying. Writing is really the only thing I’ve ever felt like I was good at but I’ve never really been all that confident that I’m good enough at it. Sure, I may have four books published, many short stories published, and even more poems published, but still, I don’t quite feel good enough and I’ve heard a number of my very talented, super creative friends lamenting about the same thing.

When I was young and dumb, I had the opposite problem – all the confidence, some of the talent, and mountains of skill to learn yet. Somedays I wish I could go back to that though – that confidence was heady and wonderful and I miss it. Now, I see it in my kids and enjoy their exuberance about whatever it is they’re throwing themselves into.

I’m sure there are links to my anxiety and my depression that make my Impostor Syndrome manifest is different ways but I don’t think they’re requirements for it. I do think the anxiety amplifies it some.

Realistically, I know I’m fairly good at what I do. I’ve only ever had one not so nice review and the others have all been really glowing – not counting my dad’s review because he was biased. Though I did have someone explain to me that they just flat couldn’t follow the mythology of my stories or didn’t care for the genres, I don’t actually count those comments against my abilities. I’ve had people message me on facebook with lovely comments. Though, that is a little weird (and awesome) the first time a stranger messages you to say something nice. None of that gets taken into account inside my head though, I guess. In my head, I’m still worried that someone is going to peek behind the curtain and find me as lacking as Dorothy found the Wizard.

Review: Mystic by Gabi Stevens

Review: Mystic by Gabi Stevens
Publisher: Boroughs Publishing Group

I am an avid and voracious reader, and this is my favorite of the books I’ve read so far this year. There’s a little romance, a little action, a little intrigue, a little magic and a lot of heart. Ms. Stevens weaves an amazing story that sweeps you up and runs with you and you don’t want to put it down.

Allys is on the run, having escaped a horrible situation and unwittingly drags New York’s Sexiest Writer into the thick of it, running from a strange and powerful man hellbent on getting Allys back. Trask is exactly the kind of man you want to meet when you’re in a terrible pinch and Allys is a wonderful foil.

I do hope there will be a second book as I want to know more about Mystic.

For me, I would love to have Ms. Stevens’ Mal meet my Molly Mae in some pocket universe where two almost cats can solve riddles and be snarky to each other. Really, this book was a lot of fun and if you like my sorts of stories, you’ll like this one too.

Writing Wedesday – Recharging

Sometimes you come to a point where writing becomes more job than passion. I love my stories but I love them more when I’m enthralled with the process. For me, taking some time to recharge makes all the difference. I’ll set aside the writing and not worry about it and spend some time reading books, making other kinds of art, and just trying to gather all that wonderful energy up again. Sometimes I’ll pick up a fluff book, a bit of fun brain floss. Not today though – today I’m reading a really fun book that I’ll review in a day or two when I’m finished. If it stays the way the first quarter has been, it might be my favorite book I’ve read so far this year. Sometimes I’ll pick up a paintbrush or a bit of fabric (I have three projects like that that I’m preparing for in pieces). Sometimes I just want to binge watch something scary or fantastic.

Writing is my favorite thing but sometimes, my work is better if I take a few days to do something else. I’m having a bit of a recharge right now but I don’t expect it’ll last super long, maybe not even all of today. I won’t know until I’ve read a bit more and caught up on Killing Eve (super good so far btw) and watched a bit more Blue Exorcist so my friend and I can write up a proper review. I need to make myself a better schedule so I can get to all the things I want to do as well as all the things I need to do. Maybe get a timer for my router or block certain websites for certain hours of the day – it’s so easy to fall down that particular time suck (but somehow I don’t count internet surfing as recharging, it’s less brain floss and more like brain junk food).

Old Hobbies

A million years ago, ok, more like 32 birthdays ago, I got my first real camera. It was fun, it was sort of work though too. I learned a lot but not as much as I could have. A few Christmases later, I got my first real good camera. It was fun and I learned a lot more but again, not as much as I could have or should have. I loved taking pictures and didn’t go much of anywhere without it but I didn’t do much with it either. Then I had kids, there wasn’t really time to play with my camera and, honestly, developing film cost money that was better spent on other things. I went years without doing much with my cameras. Then we went digital and I have all the pictures again but none of the art or the work.

A few weekends ago, we were exploring and wound up in an antique shop and there was a really lovely lens dirt cheap and it said Pentax on the price tag. We got home, I set the bag down and promptly got busy doing other things. A week or so later, I dug out my Pentax and unwrapped the zoom. Apparently, junk shop employees don’t know much about camera lenses. Sears made the same lens for the Pentax but this isn’t it. This one seems to be for a Cannon. Not to worry – that’s what adapters are for.

Time to learn some more!

It did get me thinking though and I dug out my dad’s camera and extras too. Between us, I have a pretty good kit for old-school photography. Eventually, I can add a tripod and a few lighting accessories but I really have everything I need to make some very neat things. I have a lot to learn yet and there’s no end to that really but this is a great start.

In the process of finding all my old equipment (which I haven’t actually done as I’m still missing two smaller 35 mm cameras), I also found a whole bunch of film I never got developed. One is from my dad’s stuff, the other 9 rolls are mine and likely contain a good bit of my older son’s early years and who knows what else. There’s also film in each of the cameras I’ve found. I’m pretty sure I loaded the Nikon last year though when it came into my house. I need to replace all the batteries sooner than later and see about getting adapters so I can use all the lenses on both cameras.

I’m really interested in seeing what’s on the used roll in dad’s box of camera stuff – he had a phenomenal eye for artistic lighting but mostly did macro work or people. I’ve always been more of a big picture type, even with my camera.

I’m hoping to teach the kids a bit this summer. I know I wanted to last summer also and then everything got sidelined with my health but maybe this year will be the right year for it. There is something really amazing about learning to play with focus and light to make something interesting as well as beautiful. I am going to have to get my hands on some super fast film and really see what the Nikon can do though. Summer goals I suppose.

Writing Wednesday – Writer’s Groups

I’ve been a part of several different writer’s groups over the years – primarily online, not counting a few poetry nights I went to in high school. It’s great being a part of a community, having the camaraderie and support from other writers. I’ve been without a group for the last few years and I’m finding that I miss it more and more. There was a booth at Tekko last weekend with people from Confluence (the sf/f/h writer’s con in Pittsburgh) and I really got to thinking about the community and how important it can be to be a part of the larger community.

I’m really feeling that itch to be with creative people (that I don’t have to drive an hour to meet up with). Online is awesome but lacking somehow also. I’ve never had a face to face group, people who get the process, the drudgery, the excitement, the never-ending waiting. I found a group sort of nearby, if I figure out where they meet and how to get there. It’s a little nerve-wracking for me – yay anxiety but I’ve sent the request to join the group and get more information. We’ll see where that goes.

I admit a little part of me would rather start my own if only because I’m more comfortable with things when I’m the one in the leadership role. It’s silly and plays to the teeny bit of control freak that lives inside me but there it is. I’d rather do far more work and set the time, date, and location than give up that control and hope for the best. However, part of the reason I’m looking into groups are to find like-minded people with similar goals and drives and if my Googling led me there, anyone else local looking for the same will end up in the same place.

At this point, I’m not really looking for a crit group situation but people who understand the process, the drive, and all that would be really great. The odds are good that this group doesn’t really deal with genre work, for whatever reason, there are a good number of people who think that paranormal romance, urban fantasy, science fiction, and horror just aren’t as cool as mainstream, non-magical, no monsters, no superheroes literary type works. We’ll see. I don’t want to prejudge. Besides, maybe they’ll deal with poetry too that would be awesome (so long as no one expects me to rhyme as I’m generally only able to do two couplets per poem).

I find crit groups to be hugely beneficial when people are honest with themselves about whether or not they can deal with actual constructive criticism and not just happy head patting. I had a hard time getting people to understand that I was much more interested in the problems in my story than hearing how wonderful someone thinks I am or could be. (granted, hearing you’re wonderful is, was, and always will be awesome). Tact is awesome but help is better. You’ll always come across those who are more interested in showing you their great skill sets and incomparable talent but I’ve found that they’re pretty easy to spot and ignore. My writing is the one place in which I have rhinoceros skin – too thick for mere words to ding.

If the group I found doesn’t work out, I may yet just start my own. I do need to people better and starting small seems to work for me. I have my hopes up a little for the local established group but I’ve been around long enough to know not to count on it.

What’s your experience been with creative groups – crit or otherwise?

I Peopled Again

Tekko 2018

Sort of. I didn’t meet any celebrities or get anything signed but the family and I went to Tekko over the weekend. Read about most of it over at The Geek Girl Project. We had a really great time. My anxiety was behaving itself and I think I only had one little minute of tension that I thought was going to bloom but the Litany came to the rescue and all was well again. My RA however was not so kind.

I was on my feet most of the day and, even with my cane (which actually got complimented a couple of times), I was really struggling by the end of the day. I say the end of the day but we were only there until about 3:30 or so. We were there for about 6 hours and I’m still paying for it today. Absolutely worth it!

The kids had a blast, I had a blast, I’m not sure about the husband but he must have been having at least an ok time as he went back the next day with the older child so the older child could go to some panels which we didn’t get to do on Saturday. Next year I want to try and see some panels, especially if they are similar in nature to this year’s panels. The one I’m most upset about missing though was an entire panel on cosplaying with chronic pain.

Part of this convention was a happy birthday to me sort of thing and I bought a few things with my birthday money – I probably don’t need any more art or a cute little dragon friend but birthdays aren’t just for things a mama needs. Plus, I think I found my new favorite artist. Listening to her talk about color choice and characterisation was interesting and awesome. Definitely a kindred mind where that sort of thing goes where visual art is concerned. If you get a chance, you should check her out – her Jareth was what I could not leave without: Kaysha Siemens. And I found the artist that did the mystical Nicodemus type rat my husband brought me home the last time they went! I need to get a few more frames and reorganize my wall now.

One thing I noticed that while I understood, it made me very sad, when I was looking at the cute little dragon creatures, the artist had a prepared speech about why they cost what they do, the time it takes to make them, etc. I should have said something then about not needing to explain that but just because I get it doesn’t mean the next person will. It’s just a shame people don’t value art and books the way they do their fancy over sugared coffees.

Lost Days Again

Well, mostly just yesterday but it feels like I lost so many days. I spent most of yesterday curled up on the couch, asleep or close to it. I got words to an extent but it was mostly research and notes on something I’ve been meaning to do for a good long while. I couldn’t have focused on anything else. I’ve got a book I’m reading so I can review it and I couldn’t even focus well enough for that! I’m hoping to get that wrapped up by the end of the weekend and an article about Tekko also. It’s amazing how much it can feel like one off day has set you back even though it didn’t. It does mean that I’m going to have to get extra words over the next few days as I don’t see a lot of writing happening over the weekend – they’re always harder to manage anyway what with things to do, places to go, people to see.

Just out of curiosity today, I was flipping through super easy cosplay ideas (none of which are actually easy people!) and I’m really annoyed that none of the interesting female characters wear jeans. It’s just annoying. I don’t have the time, desire, or inclination to spend a great deal of time at the sewing machine right now so, no costuming for me. I do like the idea of it but not the time suck or the skill level the things I’d want to do require. I guess I can’t put off the writing today after all and I should really get back to it. If I can have ten minutes where the dog is not wanting me to do all of the things.

Writing Wednesday – Making Stuff Up

Part of being a writer is making stuff up. A bigger part of being a successful writer is making up believable stuff. I’ve been making up stories forever. There are times when I’m not exactly sure if a story in my head started in my head or is something I remember from the endless books I read as a kid. Once, I made up a word, a concept, in a story and three years later when I picked up that particular story again, I forgot I made it up and started researching to make sure I got the correct terminology. Which of course I did not because I did, in fact, make it up. It irritated me for weeks, trying to find this little bit of information that honestly doesn’t exist (yet – I have high hopes for this book so you might get to see it for yourselves someday).

Just this week, I did it again. I am working on this Christmas book and, given that I am me, there is a lot of mythology that rears up and says hello. There are a lot of really great Christmas, Solstice, Yule, and otherwise Winter myths to play with and I was getting ready to thread one into the story but I wanted to verify it. Guess what? the fairy tale I wanted to use? Totally made up by me a few years ago when I was going to do a very particular present for the kids in my family. I didn’t do that particular present so it got shuffled away into the starts and fizzles file on my computer. With a different story, I’d just go ahead and use it but I am trying to keep this one to real myths and stories. Not everyone is going to recognize them but they’re all from somewhere real and not just my brain.

I’m actually really upset about that particular winter fox myth but I’m absolutely going to use it in another story someday. I think a telling of it as a short story. If I remember to do it. I have an awful lot of projects going right now but I just keep getting fun ideas dagnabit.

A good writer can make up words, things, ideas, and have their readers absolutely believe in them.