Parenting is Weird

Kids are weird. Especially mine, since they’re mine. Today I’m feeling like a terrible mom because I made my youngest go on a field trip with his class. He’s an awesome kid but he really doesn’t like things that don’t go to schedule or aren’t what he’s used to doing. He’s a very regimented kid, he always has been. For some things, it works great – I never have to worry about getting him up for school or getting him to bed. For other things, it’s not so easy. He’s used to meals being at very specific times and doesn’t like to stray from that.

I was super frustrated today – he was coming up with reasons he didn’t want to go and I was basically making sure those concerns were all covered. I should have just let him stay home. Now, he thinks I’m mad (I’m not, just frustrated) and that I called him names because I said he was frustrating and I made him go anyway. The second he got on the bus to school I felt like I should have let him stay home – mom guilt settled in hard and fast and I messaged his homeroom teacher to tell her if he didn’t want to go I’d come and get him.

I’m struggling with this whole thing now, my anxious mom brain full of all the what if Worst-Case-Scenarios (yeah, little bugger got that from me). I know he hates change – it’s part of his particular slice of autism – and I made him go anyway because I really believe he needs to stretch a bit and understand that change isn’t always awful. And I know all the reasons why it’s good to encourage the stretching and all the reasons why I try so hard to do that and I still am feeling like I somehow betrayed him. Huge mom-fail today.

I know pushing his limits is a good thing – if we didn’t, he’d still only eat five things! I know he needs to learn to adapt to changes in his schedule. I know all of these things but that mom guilt is worse than any other guilt I’ve come across (granted, I don’t come from religions that push hard on the guilt buttons though).

I’m going to be a bit of a mess for the rest of the day, until he’s home safe and sound and probably having had a great day. Oh, I hope he has a great day. My brain is going to be super stupid today so I’m going to go be busy doing anything that isn’t constantly checking my phone.

Recipe – Frittata

Frittata with ramps, ramp greens, and holiday sausage

I practically threw a party when I finally got my youngest child to let me make something that halfway looks like breakfast for dinner. Frittatas are one of my favorite things to make, especially if I have strange ingredients or a lot of leftovers in my fridge. Tonight, I had some bunches of ramps and some “holiday sausage” we were given by a friend of my husbands. I have no idea what’s in it but it’s very dense and hammy and perfect for frittata filling. I use a cast iron pan because I really love how it cooks.

This is one of the easiest things to make, it takes only about as long to prepare as it takes the oven to heat up. It’s a great thing when I’m not up to doing a lot of prep work or when I really don’t want a fight over what people want to eat for dinner as my kids only ever agree about frittata and pho. I thought I’d share my recipe in case anyone needs a super easy, clear out the fridge dinner.

Oven to 450

 

Holiday sausage, ramps, ramp greens In your pan, cook up a sweet onion (or ramps or scallions, or shallots or what have you), some protein (I’ve used kielbasa, spam, bacon, ham, steak – whatever is in the fridge or pantry), and some fresh greens (ramp greens, spinach, kale, collard whatever you have on hand – frozen works too) and cook it until wilted. Remove from heat. You can toss in nearly anything you have on hand that goes together. I’ve done spinach/mushroom, bacon/spinach, bacon/kale, spam/spinach, ham/mushrooms/spinach.

 

 

 

 

 

In a medium bowl, whisk up 7 large eggs, about 2 TBS of milk (I guesstimate), salt and pepper to taste (I don’t use any salt myself but others will want it), shredded cheese if you want it (my youngest won’t eat cheese), and any other herbs or spices you like. Pour into pan over filling.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finished Frittata

Cook in 450 oven for about 9 minutes. It feeds my family of 4 but you might be able to squeeze 6 servings if you’ve got light eaters.

Book Review: In A Dark, Dark Wood

In a dark, dark wood

A Dark, Dark Wood by Ruth Ware

This was one of my birthday books, picked up because I’m always in the mood for something spooky and the cover spoke to me of exactly that. Unfortunately, it really failed to deliver what I was after. If you like when Lifetime movies do murder mysteries, you’ll love it. The writing itself is fine, even quite good in places. It is not, however, scary, no matter what Reese Witherspoon says. I do admit, my idea of scary and most people’s idea of scary are very different things. I don’t scare easy. I have yet to meet a murder mystery that does so.

My first instinct as I was reading was that it was very Single White Female goes to Hen Night. It’s more complicated than that but, to be perfectly honest, it held no surprises for me. The set up was just too good. I admit, I skimmed a few chunks so maybe I missed a kernel of utter brilliance and I know a number of people who will love this book – I’m just not one of them. This isn’t a bad book by any means it’s just not for me. With a title like that, I wanted something creepy and spooky so I was disappointed. I absolutely know that other people will love it. It’s probably a great book for mystery and suspense lovers.

Book Review: Scratchman by Tom Baker

Scratchman by Tom Baker, a Doctor Who novel

Scratchman by Tom Baker, a Doctor Who novel.

First things first. I am an avid fan of Doctor Who but I’ve never read a Doctor Who novel before. Some of the comics, yes, but not the books. Oh, what a one to start with! I will endeavor not to spoil much but there might be hints at spoilers, sweetie. Read my thoughts at your own risk of being spoiled. Better, go read the book then come back and talk to me about it.

I came to Doctor Who very young, peering around the corner of a sofa to watch the crazy man and his blue box and his friend who shared my name, hiding from a mother who thought I might be scared of his enemies at 4 and 5 years old. Maybe I should have been but, no. I reserved all my irrational fears for a different sort of alien – one who apparently is quite loveable for a lump of weird putty looking clay as I’m told by E.T. lovers everywhere. The Doctor was the hero every little girl needs in her life. Well, at least this one. I still do. Always.

This book values it’s devoted fanbase in a way most properties cannot. In some ways, it’s a love letter to the fans of the darker episodes where the Doctor shines the brightest in his spotlight. This book is the Doctor at his most other, his most Doctor-y. At his most favorite professor-ish. Whether your Doctor is 4, 10, 12, or any of them, you will see them here. It is definitely a 4th Doctor story – told by the most unreliable narrator of them all and, the joy of it, it felt like an episode I might have watched as a young girl.

If you are a fan of Doctor Who, I think you’ll like this book. If you’re a fan of absurd fantasy edging towards the darker edge of the genre, you might come away from this a Doctor Who fan. At least of the 4th Doctor in any case. The old, crazy uncle of a Doctor he was, is, and ever shall be.

Near the end was a moment that tied the ends together, seeing them him in her and the her in him and if I teared up, just a little, no one will know but you, me, the dogs, and the jelly babies.

Writer Wednesday: Self-Publishing

Publishing is not one size fits all. Every writer’s goals are different. Some people just want to see their words in print, others are striving for that big house contract. Self-publishing gets easier all the time but it is also full of scammy places who make new writers think that they’re a publisher rather than a printer who offers other services for a fee. I met a woman recently who didn’t understand how publishing really works and spent a lot of money to get what she thought would be her big break. It always breaks my heart to hear stories like this because it’s so common and because it tends to break the writer’s spirit and discourage them from ever writing again. If you choose the self-publishing route, do your research before you sign with any company. Some of the less scrupulous vanity presses make you think you’re signing on with a “real” publisher – like they have quality control, do real edits, and help with promotion. My tip is: if you got your publisher’s name from a commercial with a toll free number, they’re looking to make their money on the front not the back and all from you as the writer.

I understand the desire to publish so well. I’ve considered self-publishing for some of my stranger projects and maybe someday, when I can hire a good and proper editor, maybe I will but you’d better believe I’ll be doing heavy research into any company I’d be going with when the time comes.

There are a lot of above board companies out there and publishing is easier than it has ever been. It’s on the writer to do the research, ask the questions, and make sure you go into any contract with open eyes. Do a Google search for complaints about the company, check Writer Beware, Absolute Write, and any other watchdog listings you find.

If what you really want is just a printer – Lulu, Smashwords, even Amazon’s kindle project are all very easy ways to achieve what you’re after without being taken for several thousand dollars. At least, not upfront.

The problem with author mills – places that make writers think they’re respected publishers – is that they’re so easy to get sucked into. New writers, especially ones that don’t deal with or understand rejection well, are ripe for these sorts of publishers. So are retiree writers who see the commercials on TV promising publication, thinking that getting books into bookstores means actual shelf space and not just orderability, thinking that the package will come with all the marketing. They make it sound like they have a great staff of actual editors and not just someone manning a spell check program and maybe a grammar checker if they’re lucky. They make it sound like every would-be writer’s dream – a door to the big breaks that bring the big money. Which is great if writers made the kind of money people assume they do. If you’re not Rowling, King, or Roberts, if you make an actual living with just your writing, you’re amazing, dedicated, and probably not getting much sleep.

 

Writing Wednesday: Writer’s Magazines

There are a number of magazines out there aimed at writers. Some of which are more useful than others in my opinion and some have pretty high price tags but there is a wealth of information to be found in those pages (or files for the digitally minded).

Poets & Writers magazine was the first one I picked up when I was a teenager with a desire to write. It’s the one I currently have a subscription to though it’s about up and I’ll probably change it up – I like to cycle through. There is a lot of good information to be found in the articles. There are a lot of ads for MFA programs, fee based contests, and small presses. The classifieds are generally available on their website and a very good chunk of their articles as well. It’s a staple resource for writers.

Writer’s Digest was the second magazine I picked up and my go to resource for market hunting pre-internet. Their market guide was invaluable to me when I was just starting out. This will probably be my next subscription for a while – it’s been a few years and I’ve heard some great things from other writers on some of their recent articles. They’ve also got market guides, community resources, tutorials, and webinars on their website.

The Writer’s Chronicle was a new pick up for me at the newsrack this month. It’s actually been around a long time. It’s the Association of Writers and Writer’s Programs’ magazine and chock full of similar resources that you find in the others. The articles are solidly written and interesting.

Publisher’s Weekly is a little on the expensive side for me, but a very good resource with a website full of all of the interesting news in publishing. It’s a bit broader in scope than the writing centered magazines.

The Writer Magazine is one that I was never a monthly reader of but I used to pick it up every now and again. It’s been some time since the last time but if the website is any indication, the content is still really good and useful. There are some very good articles on the process on their website and next time, I’m grabbing something at the news stand, it might be this one.

There are other magazines out there but I don’t think there are as many as there used to be. The lovely thing about these magazines is that they always put me in the mood to write more, to write better, to work outside my comfort zone and try something completely different. It doesn’t always work out in my favor but that’s part of the process too.

Do you have a favorite magazine about writing that I haven’t mentioned?

It’s that time of life!

Mammogram day!

Like many other cancers, breast cancer runs in my family – fortunately my closest relative to experience it had a lumpectomy and no other occurrence so, for once, it’s not the worst prognosis but it does mean that 40 comes with a side order of preventative scannings. Actually – I’m pretty sure 40 is the magic number now for the baseline scan anyway. If you haven’t gotten yours and you have history or are of age, you should go get it done.

I didn’t know what to expect beyond squishing and squeezing but it wasn’t really that bad. It’s not comfortable or enjoyable but I prefer it to the pap smear for sure. Delving into the unknown is never easy and most of the references to mammograms in media stress the uncomfortableness of it but I didn’t have that so much, thankfully. Yeah it’s weird having a strange lady shoving your breast around to make sure the plate comes down just right but it doesn’t hurt nearly as much as I was expecting. I got all worked up and prepared for the worst and walked out none the worse for wear.

Now I just have to twiddle my thumbs for however long it takes for everyone to read all the things and let me know what they do or don’t see. Waiting is always the worst part of any diagnostic procedure. I don’t expect anything but an all clear here – I do my self-exams religiously. You should be doing them too. Breast cancer happens to all people – men, women, all races, all histories. Get your tests done. The earlier you catch things, the better your prognosis.

So, if you’re of age or if you’ve got the family history, and you haven’t gotten squeezed, get thee to the phone and make your appointment.

Forty!

Forty!

Forty isn’t looking too bad actually and it’s definitely feeling better than 38 and 39 did. Yay for all my doctors and medications – I would be a puddle of swollen pain without them.

Even after all these years, I do sort of expect to feel different on my birthday and I’m always surprised when I don’t. I’m pretty damn proud to be 40 – no shaving off years for me, it’s an accomplishment. Every day, every year is a thing I didn’t expect to get. My mom was 39 when she died and a small part of me sort of always figured I’d do the same. It’s that worst case scenario thinking I try not to do but can’t always avoid.

I’m hoping this year holds great things. I’m doing my part to make that happen as I decided back in January that is going to be my brave year. Not all the things I’ve pushed for, tried to do, submitted, entered, or discussed have gone to plan in the slightest and there have been so many rejections in the file, but I’m still trying, moving forward, working on new books, new art, new stories, new poems, new essays to do something with. All I can do is keep trying – anything else would be unacceptable.

I used my new tarot deck this morning with a Birthday Year spread I saw a few weeks ago and basically, all boiled down, the reading mostly said that I might need to rethink what successes matter to me but that success in the cards, as they say. That’s good enough for me.

My next goal year is 53. That number has shown up every which way in my life so it makes sense.

Writing Wednesday: Fact Checking Foods

Food is one of the most common and useful scene setting tools. The best conversations are had at a table over pie or a good dinner. It gives the writer a chance to touch on all the senses and pull the reader in with the tantalizing smells of meat and chocolate (or whatever the preference). It can also be a stumbling block if a writer isn’t careful, especially a writer working on something like historical fiction. What is in season, when a food was introduced to a particular continent, what preservation methods were available to your characters – these are all hugely important to a solid setting.

Smell is one of our strongest senses and the one most tied to memory – as a writer, you should use this where you can. For me, the scent of good coffee always is a touchstone. Bread always calls to mind kitchens and home. Same with cookies. The scent of a charcoal grill being fired up immediately brings me to Summer fun. Even oatmeal takes me somewhere. Not somewhere good or nice but somewhere. Who doesn’t love to have a bit of a bite while they’re discussing the answers to all the important questions? Just don’t go overboard. I read a book once that was very savory food heavy and I swear I gained 5 pounds during the few hours it took to read.

If you’re writing about the US, find out what’s in season at the Seasonal Food Guide or the Healthy Meals Guide. In the UK, you have Eat the Seasons. I’m sure there are resources out there for other places but I haven’t had to seek them out too much yet. Growing seasons can be helpful too!

Food preservation is another thing that’s important to know about. If you’ve got a story set in 1300’s England, their available food stuffs are going to be hugely different than what’s available now. Refrigeration changed the face of food forever. So did mass market canning. But, some preservation techniques have been around as long as civilization, completely dependant on the location. Drying and salting of meats, fruits, and vegetables has been a standard for a long time. Canning is relatively new. The National Center for Home Food Preservation has some more detailed information but let’s just say don’t have a character in the 1600’s opening a tin of beans anytime soon.

One of the interesting things is that they are finding preserved things from the cradle of civilization now and apparently the honey is still edible (not that I’d want to test that though). And who knows what they’ll find as they excavate the 3600 year old shipwreck they just found.

There are a ton of great historical food resources out there beyond Wikipedia. There are actual ‘cookbooks’ and the British Library has a whole section about it online. The food of the colonists in the America’s was fairly well documented but with indigenous people, you’re better Googling the specific tribe or people you are writing about.

 

A Whole New Word

Getting my RA diagnosis was something of a relief – a here’s an answer and a treatment plan sort of relief for all the crazy pain and swelling. I got a new word to tack on to things today, Fibromyalgia. It’s just a new big scary word that comes with not much else – there’s no relief in knowing what it was that was mucking with my thumbs (except that the meds are working and my thumbs aren’t still giving me fits).

I don’t think it changes anything, just gives me another word to try and remember how to spell on medical forms. Yippee. More interesting pain diseases. I’m starting to think I found my own lament configuration and didn’t even realize it. Too bad it didn’t come with Doug Bradley’s voice to explain it! I did get the go ahead to do every other month on the blood work so that’s kind of awesome. I love my vampires but not getting bled as much will be nice.

I’m supposed to do more exercising. Ok, any exercising. Losing weight and staying a bit more limber will help with both of my broken-body-diseases. Interestingly, it does give an alternate explanation for the fogginess I’ve been experiencing. I do wish I understood why my body went from nothing to everything all at once though.

But, I’m in the middle of writing a thing for a contest and I’m on a bit of a tight deadline with about 2000 words to go so, I’m going to get back to that until it’s time to put together my Writer Wednesday post for tomorrow.