I’m a Dragon

I realized the other day that I’m something of a small, non-scaly, non-firebreathing, and generally boring dragon. Generally grumpy, a little magical, and feeling oh so ancient. Also, I have vast collections of things that are shiny and wonderful to me (but not necessarily the same to others). I collect obscure facts, pretty rocks, books, weird art, geeky things, and grudges. I know that last one doesn’t feel like it should fit but it does.

Somehow I married a guy who holds grudges about as well as you can hold running water, a trait I’m glad to say both my kids have inherited from him. I am incapable of that letting go thing. Some of my grudges are so old they’ve fossilized. They don’t effect my day to day existence and I can pretend they don’t exist when I have to though, in some unavoidable instances, their bucket of grudge gets grudgier every year, slowly becoming a bit like la brea, sucking in all kinds of comments and assholery to keep it and preserve it forever and ever, bubbling away in the dark. I don’t recommend poking the grudge buckets.

On one hand, it’d probably be a lot healthier to learn to let it go but I don’t think I’m ever going to be quite that healthy. I’m not honestly sure I want to be. In part, I sort of enjoy a good wallow. Also, it’s very hard to let things go when my anxiety-brain or my depression-brain (depending) love to bring up those awfuls to replay them and relive them with obnoxious regularity. I’ve had arguments in the shower, replaying conversations (and all of the should-have-saids that go with them) from my earliest childhood days to present. I am really quite clever given twenty-five years to think about it. Sometimes a smell or a place or a name bring the grudges up to the surface too. Despite how it sounds, I don’t have a lot of grudges, only a handful on my own part, and 5 or 6 on behalf of my husband and children, but they’re old and deep and everlasting. Getting rid of them would be like getting my scars removed. They’re part of me, part of who I am.

I had a moment today where a newer annoyance wanted to be a grudge but just didn’t have the power it might have had when I was younger which is what started this post. My pile of grudges is smaller than it used to be and there’s only one bucket of grudge instead of many so, yay for progress? In reality, time might not heal all wounds but it does add a dose of perspective that makes it easier to see the actual size of a thing.

What a Start

This first week of 2020 has been a little hectic. There are wonderful things in the works but there’s a bit of a haze over my life at the moment, turmoil in the circle of friends and family that I can do literally nothing about and I hate not being able to help.

RedDog is currently a lampshade and appropriately annoyed and annoying with it. One of his tumors started bothering him enough to chew on which means it had to go, and it did. And then in a great domino falling sort of way, it went completely bonkers. Surgery went great and then the bandage was too tight so we changed it out and couldn’t find a way to keep it on loose enough to not cause issues and tight enough to stay on. On the upside I managed to get the cone of shame to work. It turned out the swelling was mostly from a cyst on his foot that decided now was the right time to complain a lot. He’s on the mend looking adorable in his long sleeved t and cone of shame that he absolutely rams into me on purpose any time I come anywhere near him. Pretty sure the backs of my legs are all bruised up.

Fred is all out of sorts because he hates the cone also and really wants to play with the RedDog.

I’m finally getting to this years work – first up on my list, a bit of a rewrite that is more about adding words and making Delilah’s story a bit more of a salable length and find a better title than demonborn. After that, I’m planning to zero draft a story about a very different kind of witch who seems to be in need of a few short stories to flesh him out a bit before I try and find him book. He is definitely wanting to be a lot different than my ladies. By the time I’m done fiddling with that short story, I hope my Warrior Witch is done steeping so I can get that book rewritten.

I do have two upcoming events already, the first on February 6th from 7 to 9 pm at Barnes and Noble at Settlers Ridge in Robinson for a Romance Spotlight Night and I’ll post more about that as we get closer. I’m also on the calendar at the Weirton Museum on May 14th at 6pm to do a reading of a few of my short stories. I’m very much looking forward to both of these things.

My oldest is about to head back to college – it’s been nice having him home but I know he’s looking forward to his second semester of his Freshman year.

I finally got all the Christmas decorations put away – it took longer than usual this year but it’s done. I put my desk display back together today – I may have a slight problem… but really, I love my wall and desk display – many of the things were bought by my husband, sons, and brother and that matters to me a lot. (Alex and Alphonso are my son’s – they are above his desk which is next to mine.) I am moving my signed pics with Doug Bradley and Tony Todd to another shelf because they are in frames that don’t hang well. I reorder and reorganize often but for right now, I’m pleased as punch to get my everyday stuff back where it belongs.