What a Start

This first week of 2020 has been a little hectic. There are wonderful things in the works but there’s a bit of a haze over my life at the moment, turmoil in the circle of friends and family that I can do literally nothing about and I hate not being able to help.

RedDog is currently a lampshade and appropriately annoyed and annoying with it. One of his tumors started bothering him enough to chew on which means it had to go, and it did. And then in a great domino falling sort of way, it went completely bonkers. Surgery went great and then the bandage was too tight so we changed it out and couldn’t find a way to keep it on loose enough to not cause issues and tight enough to stay on. On the upside I managed to get the cone of shame to work. It turned out the swelling was mostly from a cyst on his foot that decided now was the right time to complain a lot. He’s on the mend looking adorable in his long sleeved t and cone of shame that he absolutely rams into me on purpose any time I come anywhere near him. Pretty sure the backs of my legs are all bruised up.

Fred is all out of sorts because he hates the cone also and really wants to play with the RedDog.

I’m finally getting to this years work – first up on my list, a bit of a rewrite that is more about adding words and making Delilah’s story a bit more of a salable length and find a better title than demonborn. After that, I’m planning to zero draft a story about a very different kind of witch who seems to be in need of a few short stories to flesh him out a bit before I try and find him book. He is definitely wanting to be a lot different than my ladies. By the time I’m done fiddling with that short story, I hope my Warrior Witch is done steeping so I can get that book rewritten.

I do have two upcoming events already, the first on February 6th from 7 to 9 pm at Barnes and Noble at Settlers Ridge in Robinson for a Romance Spotlight Night and I’ll post more about that as we get closer. I’m also on the calendar at the Weirton Museum on May 14th at 6pm to do a reading of a few of my short stories. I’m very much looking forward to both of these things.

My oldest is about to head back to college – it’s been nice having him home but I know he’s looking forward to his second semester of his Freshman year.

I finally got all the Christmas decorations put away – it took longer than usual this year but it’s done. I put my desk display back together today – I may have a slight problem… but really, I love my wall and desk display – many of the things were bought by my husband, sons, and brother and that matters to me a lot. (Alex and Alphonso are my son’s – they are above his desk which is next to mine.) I am moving my signed pics with Doug Bradley and Tony Todd to another shelf because they are in frames that don’t hang well. I reorder and reorganize often but for right now, I’m pleased as punch to get my everyday stuff back where it belongs.

Back to Normal

With NaNoWriMo in the rear view, things are settling back out – last week, I had a terrible cold and mostly slept through a huge chunk of it. I’m still working with some lingering coughing and congestion, but it’s not too bad. I have been very busy though, working on my mama-made presents for this year. The last two years, they’ve been less than stellar (though last year, I made my littlest a companion cube that didn’t turn out too bad). I’ll post more about that after Christmas when the kids already have seen them.

Ma Barker the Tokay Gecko

In what passes for normal in my house, I’ve been quite amused by one of my husband’s geckos. I think she wants to eat me, my husband keeps telling me she wants me to hold her cause she loves me. I think my laugh sounds like one of their calls. Which is sort of an annoying thing to know about myself. We have Tokay geckos and they really do bark. They’re sort of like Pokemon in that one of their bark sounds really does sound like they are saying Tokay. It’s one of their mating sounds. They also make a sound that is a bit more like Predator. Mostly though, their “normal” back off bark just sounds like a bark.

I mostly leave our family of geckos alone – mom, dad, 4 babies, 2 eggs – except to check on them. Same with the rest of them actually. It’s just Ma Barker I really talk to. She’s got the biggest personality of all of them. The dad gecko comes close but he both hates me and is the most paternal animal I’ve ever seen – he charges at me every time I go to look at the babies. Ma however, her and I kibbutz.  And she barks at the dogs when they’re being too loud. Which I find ridiculously funny as she’s only about 8 inches long, give or take, and a chunk of that is tail.

I know, she looks real sweet. Don’t trust her. She might look like she wants a snuggle but I’m fairly certain she wants to eat my nose. They’re neat critters, so long as I don’t have to touch them. I like my fingers.

I’m taking a short break from the writing stuff until I get all the making and all the decorating done. Then I have to worry about the baking but I can probably get a few words in while I’m at that.

Oh My Crow

I do love a good Friday the 13th. I was born on one of those. I also love a good full moon. I was born during one of those too. It’s rare those two things happen at the same time and statistically, those have always been good days for me and so far, it’s already been a pretty good start to the day. The crows are at least sort of back.

If you’ve read my stories or met me, you know I have a thing for crows and ravens. It’s been especially a thing the last 14 years. When I was pregnant with my youngest, it felt like the crows were watching me, especially one in particular. She (I don’t know why but I’ve always called her a she) was the inspiration for many poems and, of course, for Mr. Raven in Christmas in Bear Ridge. I like to give the crows that roost in the trees behind my house treats and encourage them to stay. They’re incredibly smart animals and their associated mythology is super interesting.

The last few days have been eerily quiet. Not a single crow perched on the roosting tree at dawn or dusk or any time in between. It’s been very strange. I made sure there were treats yesterday (just unsalted plain peanuts but they like them). This morning, there were crows calling again but not mine. Her favorite tree is still empty.

Wild crows don’t really live that long. If my crow has been the same crow and not just the de facto leader of this particular roosting group, she was nearly ancient. And I think she died. I don’t want to go look for her just yet given that crows do know faces and do hold grudges and do investigate the deaths of their own.

Hopefully, they come back to roost in my trees again – they keep the Jays away. If they don’t, I guess I’m going to have some fat little squirrels running around as I’m going to keep trying to bribe them to come back and stay.

My crow was a good crow and she inspired a number of really interesting things, even if we did start off on the wrong foot (nightmares about very large, alien crows are not fun when you’re very pregnant). I hope she had a good life and that I added to it in some small way.

Small funny aside: I’ve talked enough about my crows and the absence of them lately that my bus-stop mom buddy sent me a picture this morning of crows in the neighborhood. Oddly, that really does make me feel better.

IEP Season and Red Dog

Red Dog updates! Biopsy came back and, while it was what we expected, the long-term prognosis is good. It wasn’t a spreading sort of thing, just a local one and while we need to watch for regrowths and new growths, once he’s all healed up, he should be fine. I think everyone in the house is feeling a great sense of relief about that. Plus, the vet gave the pup some calm-down pills that are really helping curb the desire to get out of his cone/inflatable tube combo (which he managed once so far) and lick at his incision.

This house is a bit upset about other news though – Alex Trebec has been part of my life for pretty much my whole life. Jeopardy is one of the things my youngest son loves most. I had to subscribe to the jeopardy subreddit for the rare occasions that we miss an episode because their recaps are the best and it helps my youngest be ok with missing a day. The news of Alex Trebek’s cancer hit my youngest especially hard. He’s not very emotionally demonstrative often but he teared up a bit at the news. We all wish him the best.

Today was the annual IEP meeting for the youngest boy. I’ve been incredibly lucky in my school district. I’ve had one major issue in all the years we’ve been doing this and the district has always done right by my kids. I know a lot of families do have problems getting the services their kids need or allowances and I am so grateful we’ve not had that experience. I don’t know that we’ll get all the way through high school without issue – I can see at least one looming problem on the horizon but I have zero doubt that I’ll be able to handle that without even getting to evolve into my final form. This mama can be very scary when she needs to be. I learned it from my mama who once stalked a superintendent and sat on his front steps until he would talk to her and change my school (they redrew the district lines and I was in a school that was not equipped for me back when I was still extra smart – and no, I have no idea what happened and no, I’m not now). I have no doubt that next year will go as well as this year has and I have no complaints there. I’m glad to have it done and settle though.

Sleep Matters

This is a very important thing I’m learning. Sleep matters so much more now than it used to. I’ve scoffed when my rheumatologist asks over and over about my sleep patterns but I’m wrong and, contrary to some people’s belief, I’m quite good at admitting when I’m wrong. It used to be, I could get a few hours of broken sleep and be just fine. Not any more. Now, lack of sleep makes everything go haywire.

Yesterday I hit my breaking point. I’ve been staying up with the red dog who must be related to Houdini somehow and he keeps finding ways to reach and lick his incision which isn’t helping anything. He’s taking more meds than I’ve ever had to try and get anyone or anything to take before and boy does he hate it. We had him in boxer shorts which he took off. We had him in an inflatable collar style cone that did nothing to prevent him from reaching his incision. We had him in a standard Elizabethan collar in the largest size we could find that still didn’t really prevent anything. I taped clear transparencies around the collar and that helped until he rammed it into enough stuff that it fell apart. Then, after fighting with all of that all day, he pitched a fit at medication time, spitting pills back out at me, and it didn’t go to plan (understatement of the year). I scared my Fred trying to keep him away from the dropped pill pieces because that’s the last thing I need is for something to happen to him too.

My meds have been working pretty well for my own medical problems. I get a little achy or swollen depending on the weather. With the addition of the med that got added at the last visit, even the problem I was having in my thumbs is virtually gone. Yesterday, my fingers felt like they were on fire. My knees were angry, my back was stiff, there was no getting comfortable. Last night I did get a whole night’s sleep – 7.5 hours almost entirely in a row and I can’t remember the last time that happened. It was amazing.

When I got up this morning, my husband had put both collars together, the inflatable and the e-collar and the crafty dog still managed to get out of them. For right now, it’s the best option, at least when it stays on, so that’s what we’re doing and not leaving him alone and, thank goodness, my wonderful vet has prescribed a light sedative so hopefully, the whole house can sleep and not just one adult at a time.

Here’s the red dog looking about as calm as he’s been since the anesthesia wore off. Don’t be fooled though – he’s wide awake and thoroughly annoyed with me.

Panning Out and Dog Update

Essay Workshop at Moe’s March 21st

At the start of this year, I said that there were interesting things afoot – and there are – so many things. But there’s a new interesting thing that hadn’t even been a glitchy thought in my head on January 1. I’ve played with the idea of doing a workshop years ago but it didn’t end up working out. Over the last month, I’ve been working with a couple of people on their work, mostly in creative nonfiction, sort of in a mentoring type role and, as it turns out, I quite enjoy that role and I started looking into some things and seeing if I could make it work and I’m having a bit of a test run later this month. If it works out and the interest is there, there’s a chance I’ll do more or expand them but I’m running a workshop on creative nonfiction and personal essays this month and I’m really excited about the whole thing. I expect I’ll learn a lot from the first run that I can hopefully translate into future workshops.

I’ve got my materials all written up and I hope it goes well as I think this could be a lot of fun for me and anyone who comes.

The other day, I made mention that RedDog had surgery – big crazy weird lump that we’re waiting to hear back on and late castration.

It’s a bit blurry but I hadn’t even had coffee yet.

The surgery went well but the super limber and bendy dog who is too damn smart for his own good has made it very hard to find anything that will keep him from licking all the incisions which leads to emergency vet visits and all the antibiotics. After waking up to his licking all the things, despite the cone of shame, for the eighth time last night, I had enough and cut up a bunch of transparencies and taped them to his cone. it’s ugly (but not as ugly as the incision!) but so far, he hasn’t been able to lick himself. And now he hates me. I just want him to get better enough that I don’t need to babysit him all night and can sleep! Thank goodness I work from home or we’d be in quite the pickle.

I’m not really awake today and the kids are home due to a mudslide closing one of the main roads here. I’m just counting the hours until bed time and I don’t think there will be any good words today. Maybe tomorrow.

My Cas

In his Jar of Dirt

I had to say goodbye to my cat, Castiel today. My heart is a little bit more broken. When he showed up in my backyard 5 years ago, he wouldn’t let me get within 15 feet of him. Now, there’s an empty place on my porch where he should be. He hated being inside, being locked in small spaces. The one and only time I ever got him in a cat carrier prior to today was when it was going to be -50 with windchill a few winters ago. He cried nonstop until I let him out and didn’t come home but to eat, and only when I wasn’t there, for three days after that. Today, I put him in a carrier with barely a meow. Other people picked him up and prodded him and he didn’t even wiggle let alone try to get away. But truly, I knew on Wednesday what the outcome would be, even if I didn’t know why.

As it turns out, my beautiful boy was really really sick and has been for probably his whole life.

He’d lost a lot of weight too fast, he was pale, lethargic, not terribly interested in eating, and we’re pretty sure he was mostly deaf and blind at the end but we don’t know for sure. The vet did some blood work and instead of a nice round 29-48, my baby’s hematocrit was 3. It’s a miracle he made it home to me at all. I’m so glad he did. It’s so so much worse not knowing. It’s so much worse looking at every little furry body on the side of the road, every circle of buzzards or crows, and wondering. I’ve done that before too. I did what was best for him and held him as he passed.

My Cas

I don’t know how old he was or where he came from. I know he’d been through some horrible things, just given how he responded to people. I know he preferred eating the birds and giving me the mice and moles. I know he knew how much I love him. And I know how much he loved me too. I know he didn’t want to go but he was scared and hurting. He fought hard to get home. I’m just glad I was able to give him a home for as long as we did.

I’ll miss him a lot. ❤

2016 in Review

It’s been a year. Which is probably the best thing that can be said for it. Sure, there have been some ups but overall, there’s a shadow over this year for me that just won’t let the light shine down on it.

Like many people, I lost several of my idols this year. I went through a bit of a downswing early in the year with my depression and that had some slightly more lasting effects than usual. There were some upheavals with my career, my house, and some stresses in the family that are likely mostly par for the course, maybe. We lost our OldDog who was a good dog and maybe the smartest dog I’ve ever known.

But there were good things too.

Eldercynne Rising came out. I love this universe and am so glad I get to play in it – the Arachwie are by far my favorite of my created peoples, even more so than the Jaffine.

I got my Alfred. I am a cat person. I am not a dog person. Don’t get me wrong, I love all animals but dogs are not really my cuppa. We’ve always had dogs because my husband and children are definitely dog people. I am an Alfred people. I’ve never had dog that I really really adored until now. I don’t even mind that he smells like dog! No one has ever been happier to see me in my life – and I’m including my children.

I’ve lost 50 pounds (thanks, Pokemon Go and MyFitnessPal). An old friend reminded me that people can be totally awesome for no reason whatsoever (thanks, Becky – you are awesome and totally made my kid’s Christmas!). My kids have been doing great in school and everything. Several times this year, I’ve managed to people without making an ass of myself. I have only had three little panic attacks this ENTIRE year and none of them were debilitating enough to do much more than give me a headache.

All right, so there was maybe more good than bad, or at least, bigger good than bad. It just feels like there has been so much loss this year. This Christmas was harder for me than usual. Everything has made me think of my mother and how much she would have enjoyed my children. I don’t have words to properly explain it. I blame Brad Garrett and his singing Frankenstein’s Monster because that’s where all my weepy started this year.

Day Two

I managed to make it through day two and I’ve learned a few things. First, this story could actually be good and it might even end up actually being the genre I want it to be. Second, puppies are a lot of work and there’s a little part of me that might actually be a little glad we’re done having babies. Third, I am not just Queen of my Geekdom but Queen of the Suckers also.

Under Mama’s desk is a good place to hide from the big dog and nap.

Mojo is adjusting to Alfred but he’s very pushy. Alfred wants to be touching me all the time and is very upset that I won’t just hold him. His answer is to use me to hide from Drooly McDroolerson. He gets some peace to sleep where he is also touching me.

As far as NaNoWriMo goes, today hasn’t been stellar, no record breakers here and probably not in this year’s future, but I’m getting there. I’m at the very least enjoying the journey. I did manage a few words past the minimum for the day but not by much. I’m really used to being a great deal farther along but, I’ll get there.

I’m not getting as much done around the house as I should be but that has as much to do with the not housebroken puppy as it does with the writing. Even when I do manage to get stuff done, I can’t do it by myself!

Overall though, I think everyone is adjusting. My cat, Cas, is less interested in the puppy than in his belly rubs and Alfred is still a little skittish about the whole idea but they’ll work it out. Interestingly enough, I have yet to hear Alfred bark. Mojo barks at people, buses, cars, anything he wants to yell at. Alfred as been very quiet thus far. We’ll see how long it lasts.

Time to do dishes is also time to warm up Mama’s feet!

Alfred and NaNoWriMo

New Puppy in the Wagner House

This year is my slowest start to a NaNoWriMo book in all the years I’ve been participating. But I have a really good reason. Today was the start of NaNo, yes, but in my house, it was also PuppyDay!

We’ve gone back and forth a few times since Champ died about when the right time was, what the right dog was, but I’m pretty sure we got it right. His name is Alfred. He and Mojo are getting along but there’s a great deal of drooling on the part of RedDog which is a little annoying but in a week or so it will settle out and Mojo won’t be so lonely anymore. I hope they become good friends.

We’ve had him for less than 4 hours and everyone is already smitten. Seriously, how can you not be? Look at that face! So far he likes my lap but I’m pretty sure that’s because I’ve got all the pudge so I’m softer and squishy. I’m a sucker for a baby – all babies – and this little guy already has us all wrapped around his paw.

I’m still going to win NaNoWriMo – The Crow Queen is at just over 1700 words today. It may take me a little longer than usual because I really don’t see many (if any) 8000 word days in my future with a new puppy in the house.