New Year, Same Old Things

It’s that time of year when I look at how the last year went and how I want the new year to go.

2022 started with the best surgery ever, even if it did really throw me for a long loop as far as recovery but the difference in before and after is nothing short of amazing. I did learn a lot and make a lot but I didn’t write a lot. I did finish my disabled magic granny saves the world book – currently pitching it to agents but I’m worried it’ll be a hard sell given the age and illness of my main character – only time will tell.

I’m hoping 2023 brings me back to writing on some kind of real schedule and brings me back to blogging on some sort of schedule too. I’m really hesitant to do a real goals lists – it’s been a fair bit since writing was anything like a priority. I’m hoping to change that again this year. I really need more hours in my days, dagnabit.

Hopefully I’ll be around more. Hopefully I’ll have actual books news more often too. Hopefully I’ll have other fun news too – one never knows and there are irons that look both interesting and plausible.

Every year I pick a word – I’ve had maker years, learning years, brave years, prepper years, all kinds of years. Last year was apparently a rest year. I think I might have needed it. I have always said that I didn’t think I was put together correctly and between the rheumatoid arthritis, the fibromyalgia, and the way things have been after the hysterectomy – I’m pretty sure I was right all along. All those years that I could have felt so much better if literally any doctor had asked the right question. Next year is NOT going to be a rest year.

The word for 2023 is really a phrase. Forward Motion. Even if things move slowly, the point is that they move forward. That means writing on the regular again. That means posting more here. That means reading more (though seriously – Braiding Sweetgrass was the best book I read in 2022, hands down). That means maybe hopefully seeing a new thing happen that I can’t talk about yet that isn’t about the writing or the making. That means more soap making (cause I really love it). That means getting back to the things that fell by the wayside in 2022.

I’m shutting the door on 2022. Watch this space. Good things are afoot and this year, 2023, is going to rock.

The Tireds

It took me until this morning to finish that In Death book, for the second time around. I did remember reading it about halfway through but I finished it anyway, just not in any rush. The problem I’m having now is being clobbered all the time by the tireds.

Every time I turn around, I’m desperately needing a nap. I’m hoping it won’t be too terribly much longer before we get my iron and hemoglobin levels where they should be and I can do the things I want to do without needing a whole day to recover.

In the last few weeks, I’ve made a couple of perfume sprays (with inspirational help from my younger sibling). I really love the one blend – it’s light, sweet, and yet darkens up really nicely by the end of the day. I like them all but that one is my new daily wear for a while. I really considered maybe not putting it up in my little shop but I did because that’s literally why I made it.

As far as the book – Shadows In Death it was – it was a solid entry in the series, if you like the series, you’ll like the book. It’s definitely not the one to pick up if you haven’t read any of the others. At this point in the series, even though introductions are always sort of made, it’s likely much better when you already know the mechanics of the relationships. There’s really only been one book that made me roll my eyes (and that had more to do with the fact that the title alone spoiled everything) even if there are moments in every book and things about the main character that annoy me. I’ll still keep reading them. Hell, I’m 35+ books along for the ride, I gotta know how this ends. If it does.

Now I’ll get back to The Only Good Indians though it’s dragging a LOT more than I expected from the reviews I read. I’m really hoping this doesn’t become a Twenty Days of Turin which was hugely dragging despite being worlds ahead of it’s time. I love a good scary book but apparently, I’m a lot more picky than I used to be on what makes a scary book good.

I also finally watched Doctor Sleep last night. I loved both books and the shining movie and this is a wickedly good entry – serving to tie the books a little closer to the film universe but still staying separate. I do like the book’s ending better but the casting was crazily spot on and I really think Ewan McGregor and Henry Thomas should be in more things that I like to watch.

Health Updates

RA Awareness Day

Apparently, today is Rheumatoid awareness day. That wasn’t the reason for the post but a happy little coincidence. I’ve been struggling a little bit lately, or a lot. I’m perfectly fine if I sit on my couch and do nothing but I’m pretty tired of that. At my last rheumatologist appointment, we discussed the options and decided on adding Xeljanz to my methotrexate and nortriptyline. That took some doing though – I had to get some new blood work done, insurance had to approve the idea, and apparently, my pharmacy had to get permission to dispense it? At the end of the day, everything got approved and I’ve got my pills. Which is, I’m pretty sure, the most expensive thing I will ever have in my life.

I would be so screwed if my amazing husband didn’t have a job with really good benefits and excellent insurance. I would not be able to justify the expense of living without hurting. So far, it’s not doing much. I had one great day which I think might have been a little bit of a placebo effect thing going. My understanding is that it can take up to 3 months to really know if it’s going to be successful. Fingers crossed because I really don’t want to give myself a shot and that’s the next best option, if this doesn’t work.

The heated throw I picked up has helped a lot. And my compression gloves. And my cane. I’m really looking forward to being able to do normal stuff again! Today wasn’t too bad but I made lemon bars – any day in which there are lemon bars is a good day. Lemon bars, lemon tarts, lemon cake are probably my favorite things and these particular bars were made with lemons from my husband’s cousin’s trees and that makes them all that much more special.

 

What a Start

This first week of 2020 has been a little hectic. There are wonderful things in the works but there’s a bit of a haze over my life at the moment, turmoil in the circle of friends and family that I can do literally nothing about and I hate not being able to help.

RedDog is currently a lampshade and appropriately annoyed and annoying with it. One of his tumors started bothering him enough to chew on which means it had to go, and it did. And then in a great domino falling sort of way, it went completely bonkers. Surgery went great and then the bandage was too tight so we changed it out and couldn’t find a way to keep it on loose enough to not cause issues and tight enough to stay on. On the upside I managed to get the cone of shame to work. It turned out the swelling was mostly from a cyst on his foot that decided now was the right time to complain a lot. He’s on the mend looking adorable in his long sleeved t and cone of shame that he absolutely rams into me on purpose any time I come anywhere near him. Pretty sure the backs of my legs are all bruised up.

Fred is all out of sorts because he hates the cone also and really wants to play with the RedDog.

I’m finally getting to this years work – first up on my list, a bit of a rewrite that is more about adding words and making Delilah’s story a bit more of a salable length and find a better title than demonborn. After that, I’m planning to zero draft a story about a very different kind of witch who seems to be in need of a few short stories to flesh him out a bit before I try and find him book. He is definitely wanting to be a lot different than my ladies. By the time I’m done fiddling with that short story, I hope my Warrior Witch is done steeping so I can get that book rewritten.

I do have two upcoming events already, the first on February 6th from 7 to 9 pm at Barnes and Noble at Settlers Ridge in Robinson for a Romance Spotlight Night and I’ll post more about that as we get closer. I’m also on the calendar at the Weirton Museum on May 14th at 6pm to do a reading of a few of my short stories. I’m very much looking forward to both of these things.

My oldest is about to head back to college – it’s been nice having him home but I know he’s looking forward to his second semester of his Freshman year.

I finally got all the Christmas decorations put away – it took longer than usual this year but it’s done. I put my desk display back together today – I may have a slight problem… but really, I love my wall and desk display – many of the things were bought by my husband, sons, and brother and that matters to me a lot. (Alex and Alphonso are my son’s – they are above his desk which is next to mine.) I am moving my signed pics with Doug Bradley and Tony Todd to another shelf because they are in frames that don’t hang well. I reorder and reorganize often but for right now, I’m pleased as punch to get my everyday stuff back where it belongs.

2019 Wrap Up

End of year posts always make me look forward to beginning of year posts. I like shiny and new things and I’d rather look forward than back. At the start of this year, I decided it would be my brave year and I’ve kept to it a lot of the time, even when it was very uncomfortable for me to do so. What feels brave to me is probably most people’s tuesday so I’m not going to crow about actually peopling on multiple occasions. I had a LOT of rejections this year and only a handful of acceptances but those acceptances meant a lot to me (one of my favorite stories is coming out in February or March sometime from Breaking Rules Publishing in their Horror anthology so keep your eyes open for All the Pretty Janes!).

My goals for this year actually came through pretty well. I wanted to write two new novels – I wrote one new one, fiddled with three, and rewrote an older one (that is now pretty amazing). I wanted to write 12 new short stories and I managed more like 8 brand new ones but also 5 reworked and un-trunked shorts. I wanted to write about 24 new poems and I definitely did that but most of them will probably never see the light of day.

I did some more crafty events and self-published my poetry collection. I worked on a lot of things that it’ll take time to see returns on – the publishing industry is only fast when you do it yourself which is not my goal for these projects.

Health wise, I’m still the same weight and actually hurting more than I was last year but I’m doing my level best to still get as much as I can done. I figure I’m still in good shape though as I don’t need my cane all the time or even but rarely – just when I’m standing for long periods.

I’ve read some great books this year and am in the process of reading two more and then I have a book to review that my brain has been too mushy to do – but that’s what January is for! After Christmas I’ll work on my goals for 2020 and they probably won’t be too terribly far off from the goals for this year. And after Christmas I’ll share my mama-made presents for the kids this year – both of them turned out really freakin neat and I’m getting super antsy for christmas to see if the kids think so too.

Hindsight makes many things clear

I’ve been having a weird sort of month – it’s definitely on the upswing and it wasn’t entirely RA/Fibro related. I’ve been really struggling with fatigue lately – every time I turn around, I’m asleep again. It’s actually very annoying. I’m getting something of an upswing and that’s when it occurs to me that I’ve probably also been dealing with a bout of depression along with the other stuff. I know it hits me most Octobers and has for a very long time. I should know this just to know it but it never occurs to me when I’m in the thick of it that that’s what’s going on. I just know I’m tired and spacey and want to snuggle with my dog (who is super snuggly as long as my husband doesn’t have food).

I might not be all the way out of it this year – as evidenced by the lack of Halloween in my house. It’s very strange but at this point, not exactly worth putting it all up either. But, if I schedule an hour a day to work on house stuff for the next month (and actually stick to it more often than not), maybe I’ll be all set to put up Christmas on time (that’s what my house does while so many people push and shove on Black Friday). So, I’m just trying to take it easy and one project at a time. Today, my main goal was to hem a table runner for my book table this weekend at the Weirton Museum, fire cider, bread, and a roast. I’ll be managing three of those things. I don’t think I’m going to manage bread. I ended up napping instead of kneading. I got the runner done this morning, got most of the things I need for fire cider and made a small batch with prepared horseradish to have on hand. I’ll make a proper batch when I get my hands on real horseradish. With my meds, most cold and flu remedies are out but fire cider, vapor steams, and all the soups are not contraindicated so, hoping my fire cider helps keep those colds to a minimum this year. And the roast is ready to be seared and roasted and that’s my only plan for dinner so… that’s kinda gotta happen.

I’ve been very annoyed with myself for not being more on top of things and for stupidly simple things, like running errands, completely sapping me of all my energy. I don’t know how people deal with all this crap and work regular 9 to 5 or physically laborious sorts of jobs and am in awe of them for sure. Hopefully, tomorrow is even better than today was – today only required a 40 minute lie down. Saturday, I’ll be on my feet most of the day but fortunately, the Halloween art show and maker’s fair at the museum is a costumey sort of thing and my gnarly cane suits my costume perfectly so that’s nice. And set up is friday so I won’t have to do any heavy lifting before hand which is also very nice.

If you’re local, come say hi to me Saturday at the Weirton Area Museum and Cultural Center and look at all the neat, weird, halloweenish things that are on offer.

Sticks and Pokes

I had my now bimonthly visit to the vampire’s office today. I am so happy I graduated to every other month! The ladies at the lab I go to are pretty great at what they do and it doesn’t hurt nearly as bad as it used to. Of course, I also drink enough water now that my veins aren’t hard to find. I really prefer my water coffee flavored but, one does what one must. I also had my annual jab to protect against the flu. I never used to get my flu shot – I don’t actually go out enough but, with the RA and my medications, it’s a thing I need to do. Plus, I got myself a cruller and a pumpkin coffee as a reward.

I don’t know how people do strenuous physical labor type jobs with RA. I do a comparatively easy day just standing on my feet and it takes 48 hours to feel human again! Once I got home, I snuggled up to my pibble, Alfred, and didn’t do much but sleep. For my day to day existence, my meds work great but I don’t think I’d be saying the same thing if I had a regular 9 to 5. I don’t even know that I could do a multi-day event without serious help. But, I’m definitely worlds better than I was before the meds. Better living through chemistry indeed.

The Continuing RA Voyage

I’d started a post about some of this a few days ago that I didn’t post as it was more annoyance than I like to post on my blog and I’m trying to do better at letting some things go, even when they frustrate me. I’m two years in to this journey now, coming up very soon on the second anniversary of my first rheumatologist appointment and all the official stuff. I’ve come a long way but it’s not perfect yet and I’m certainly no where near what someone might call remission. But I’m feeling better today than I have in two and a half years and that’s a lot.

My rheumy diagnosed me with rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia (though that’s more of a catch all for the pain I was still having that wasn’t precisely presenting like RA). I’m on methotrexate and nortriptyline. I’m taking a women’s daily multivitamin with energy boosters and an omega-3 supplement because I don’t eat fish. I’m no longer crashing out at 1pm every day or even really taking a nap. The pain is mostly under control – it’s less pain now and more discomfort. I can finally focus on other things beyond what’s hurting today. I needed to lose about 100 pounds according to both my rheumy and my gp for my health (and to avoid some scary things in my family history). I’d like to drop 120 pounds aesthetically but I’m much more concerned about the health stuff. Having all the extra weight on my joints exacerbates all of my issues.

I am not good at losing weight. I’m certainly not good at it when I’m not paying attention. Food is my happy place and that’s great for my taste buds and horrible for my waistline. This year has had some major ups and downs medically – stupid scary lumps and cyclical depression – but it feels like I’m coasting for the time being and that’s not bad. Because I’m feeling better, sleeping better, and all that, I can really focus on the weight.

I was poked at the other day for using diet as a means of weight control but there’s not a lot of options when the kinds of exercises that are most helpful are hurty and take me days to recover from. Some people just can’t or won’t understand that all the things I do today, I will pay for tomorrow. I am constantly in energy debt, borrowing against my tomorrows. If I wasn’t living a situation where I can set my schedule and not move for extended times, I don’t know what I’d do. So yes, my primary weight loss tool is counting calories. It’s also the only thing that has ever worked for me. And it’s working again now. I’ve lost 10 pounds since I started up again with the MyFitnessPal app (only 90 more to go). I also bought a little peddler because I CAN do that without hurting my knees or feeling like I can’t move for three days (like aerobics or wii boxing or wii tennis or hiking).

Part of my desire to lose the weight is just for me though. I am not comfortable in this skin. Telling me I should be, spouting body positive things at me, aren’t going to change my personal ideal aesthetic. I would rather look like Morticia than Mad Madam Mim thank you very much. That’s a personal preference – my personal preference. I don’t mind being curvy but I do mind that I could probably pass for pregnant without a whole lot of effort. My baby is about to turn 13, I should really have lost it by now. It’s a happy side benefit that losing this weight would be beneficial for my diseases and possible help me avoid some of the scary things that run in my family – type 2 diabetes and heart disease for instance. I’m not wanting to lose weight for other people’s opinion, just mine, so leave me to it thanks. Honestly, I have to pay attention to the calorie intake as, if I’m perfectly honest here, I’m just as likely to eat the whole pizza as I am to have just one slice of it. Counting calories helps me not to do that.

The Elbow Knows

I’m so tired of stormy weather! I love rain. I love thunder. My dogs and my youngest do not. My elbows, knees, and feet do not. I don’t pay a lot of attention to the news so much and the weather even less but my knee has always been my barometer for weather. Not anymore. It’s probably still talking but boy, my elbow is really loud now. It’s been a long process, learning all the new normals but this crazy weathered summer I’ve learned to speak joint pretty well. I may never be fluent as the dialect of my body keeps changing but I sure knew we were in for the kind of storm that packs a punch today. My elbow told me so.

It’s been a stretch of big storms while my husband and oldest are off on their road trip. RedDog is currently still in the bathroom. We’re in a lull between systems and he won’t get out. My youngest is being a bit touchy with the weather too – we’ve had some sideways rain and wind and he’s got the music loud. He was in the bathroom with the dog during the worst of the one that just passed by. We’re to get another wave in a bit (I did finally look up the weather) but all my joints say the second wave will have less oomph. But not no oomph, or RedDog would come out of the bathroom.

The husband says they’ve passed through some places that have been pretty flooded out, places where the roads are washed out, but they’ve been lucky enough to miss the worst of the weather on their trip around the country. I’ll be glad to get them home and hopefully, they’re bringing better weather with them.

Brainstorming and Foundations

I’m working on this new project, just doing the foundation work for it, figuring out some background pieces that need to solidify a bit before I can build a story on top of it. I have an idea for the place and some of the what. Now I’m working through loose ideas for my main cast of characters. One of the things I’ve noticed since getting my diagnosis is that there aren’t really a lot of characters who have disabilities. I’ve read a few with people who are paraplegic or have PTSD or agoraphobia or anxiety. I’ve seen a few with tertiary characters who are autistic or have alzheimer’s or various other issues so it rounds out the main characters. I don’t see the kind of chronic pain illnesses like what I have or some of my friends have. I don’t want it to be too much me necessarily but I do kind of want to give my main character RA (honestly, probably worse than what I’m dealing with as mine is very well controlled so long as I don’t push too hard).

I hope that doesn’t limit the market and I know that it puts some limits on what my lady will be able to do – at least without consequences – I absolutely can go hiking but I’m also going to pay for it in with swelling that takes a good two days to go away and, depending on how far that hike was, exhaustion. In some ways it’s no different than the magic system I have set up in Guardian of the Gods. Thosha can do amazing things but it does come at a cost to himself. Or like Fullmetal Alchemist’s  law of equivalent exchange. I think I’d like to make it part of this character – it’d be pretty damned boring for a horror story if that were all she had to offer. I think she’s a history professor also but that might change – it’s early days and I’m only 150 words into my zero draft with two pages of scribbled notes. Maybe tonight it’ll let me sleep! I don’t even have a working title yet and that’s usually the first thing I have. There’s a lot of new about this project.