Is coming to a close in a few short hours and I have failed. Miserably. But I did write. I’ve written more this month than I have all year. It’s different now than it was and I’m a little, ok, a lot, sad about that. I miss having someone pester me about what I’m working on or how much I got done. Even when I wanted to yell at him for being pestery, I was always glad my Dad cared enough to pester. He was my biggest support, my cheerleader, my first reader, my editor, and my fact checker. I know I have had friends tell me that I’m a fount of useless knowledge but if I’m a fount, he was a river. Writing isn’t the same now.
I’ll get back to normal eventually but apparently not this year.
Filed under Life, Writing
medication (or the lack of it) can make! We’ve started tapering my already low dose prednisone and I’m feeling a lot less … boom. I’m not exactly sure how to explain it. It’s like I was feeling things too big if that makes sense. It couldn’t come at a better time as I always get weepy in December and this year, Thanksgiving is already going to be difficult. I’m a little more sore and achy than I was before but I’m definitely willing to push through that in exchange for not flipping out over everything or feeling like I want to cry all the time.
I’m definitely not going to win NaNoWriMo this year but I will have a draft for Leilani and Blake’s second book before the end of the year and I’m really happy with that. I have a lot of projects in my head, it’s just a matter of putting them on paper. It used to be I could work five projects at once but my brain is not working with that right now so, I’m going to have to focus on just one. If I can write a minimum of 500 words every day – which isn’t really that much when you break it down – I can get all of my projects finished. I’m really excited for some of them to get out of my head and into the hands of readers. I expect to have Hunter’s Hell finished by the end of the year and Eldercynne Knight by Valentine’s Day and Gods of the Fallen by my birthday. In that order. If I keep it in that order, maybe I’ll get done a little faster because I am super excited by Gods of the Fallen – some of the ideas are just so neat to me. I’d also like to get back to my poetry a little more but I have to figure out how that will fit into my writing schedule.
I think there’s more of my anxiety and depression rearing up than I usually like to admit to. I don’t think all of my sleepiness is just RA related and I know my inner critical voice is just going bananas over every misstep I’ve ever made in my life. It’s not like this part of things is new, I should be old hat at this by now and have it under control already. Except we all know that’s not how these things work in the real world.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I’ve got plenty to be thankful for, even if this year has been just a gaping hole of I’d really rather not. The kids are awesome, the husband is awesome, they’re all healthy and that’s enough for me right now. I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and get to spend some time with family and eat some yummy stuff. Tomorrow, I make pumpkin pie and a veg and that’s all anyone is expecting of me and that is glorious.
The fair is done and my whole body is feeling it today! I met some interesting people and made some good connections and even sold a few books. I have some new stuff to get up on Etsy this week but not today – my fingers and knees are hurting. I’m falling behind on the book but I’ll catch up during the week when I’m not trying to make stuff too.
I’ve got bloodwork and a doctor’s appointment this week and I’m really hoping I can get off the prednisone ASAP. I do not like it at all. I had been doing so great with my panic attacks – I haven’t had many to speak of in a long time and now they’re getting to be a little bit regular and I don’t like that at all – I’ve been there, done that, wouldn’t like to go back there. I also blame my newfound weepiness on it too – I’m crying at the dumbest stuff. I burst into tears in Krogers because they didn’t have the breakfast my youngest son requested. I cried at the end of The Dark Knight Rises, not for that movie but because I was so upset that the role of Batman did not go to Joseph Gordan-Levitt who deserved it (and the story was perfect for it!) but to the guy I don’t see as anything like Batman (so much so that I haven’t even watched it). Both of those things are upsetting but neither is really honestly cry-worthy. I’m a lot quicker to get mad too and I really don’t like it. The other meds, it is what it is. My nails are terrible, my skin is terrible, but my hair isn’t falling out and I’m not hurting anywhere near as bad as I was. I’ll do as I’m told because, as much as I don’t like one of the ladies in the office so much, the doctor himself seems to know what he’s doing and for sure he knows more than I do.
I’m going to get some words today but I am not going to push too much with my fingers today – they need some recovery time right now. I’m in an interesting place in the book though, some ramifications from the events of book one are coming to light and no one knows what it means longterm just yet (not even me!), and the new plot is getting a little convoluted and the connections are starting to come to light and it’s just beginning to get exciting. This is my favorite part of the process but I’m a little worried that I’m coming to this point too early so I might have to toss in a small distraction or two as they figure stuff out. This is the sort of stuff that makes me remember why writing is my all time favorite thing to do.
We’re a bit better than a week into Nanowrimo and I’m a little bit ahead but not like I’m used to. I’m at a little over 14k on Hunter’s Hell and I really like a lot of the elements that are coming into the story – it’s fun! It would be more fun if my hands weren’t really sore by the end of the day but we do what we can! It’s not going to be like some years where I’m done by November 14th but I’m on track to finish all the same.
This week I’ve got some other stuff going on also – I have a craft fair this Saturday and I’m putting together some last minute more Christmasy kind of crafty things so that cuts into my writing time and I likely won’t get much more than 300 words on Saturday but that’s ok. All words are good words. Every one of them counts and my biggest goal is just to get words every single day. And then, I need to keep that going beyond Nanowrimo. Every day. I have six books in various stages and I really should get them finished and get new ones written. There is no reason except being too far in my own head that I can’t get these books done I just have to sit down and do it and that’s what I’m planning to do.
Right now, a good number of my writer friends are sharing articles on plotting and preparing for NaNoWriMo. Some of them are helpful, some of them sort of irritate me a bit. Some of them make it seem like you have to prepare in the first place to succeed at NaNoWriMo or even writing a book at all. You don’t. There is no wrong way to write a book. There are certainly people who can open a file and write 50,000 words in a month or less with no plotting, no prep work at all. Maybe it’s not the popular way but it isn’t impossible. I should know. Guardian of the Gods, Hunter’s Crossing, and Eldercynne Rising all had their zero drafts done during NaNoWriMo (Hunter’s Crossing is the only one that kept its title) and I had one sentence or one whisp of an idea in my head when I sat down on November 1.
This year is a little different because I’m writing a sequel so, I’ve got to keep continuity with the first and follow some threads I’ve prepared there already, but you absolutely can do NaNoWriMo with no prep work at all. I am not a plotter. I don’t do outlines or sketches. I do a zero draft and build up from there. My zero drafts are pretty sparse but for me, it’s more about the plot than the pretty (though pretty can happen during the zero, mostly it gets cut during drafting and edits).
If you want to write a book, sit down and do it by whatever means necessary. If you need an outline, make one. If you need that prep work, please do it. If you don’t and you just need an open file or a piece of paper – that works too. You do you and tell a good story. This world needs more good stories.
Today was my follow-up appointment after giving most of my blood up for testing. It is pretty much exactly what I expected. I imagine I’ll be talking and writing about rheumatoid arthritis for a bit while I adjust and we look for the right balance of medications to get it and keep it in check. Personally, any combination that doesn’t have my hands swollen up so bad I have no knuckles is successful. Right now, I feel like I ran a marathon yesterday – just a little all over sore and achy and maybe a little limpy on the ankles but it’s definitely been worse. My understanding is that it’s going to take months before the new medicine can be counted on to do much so we’ll just have to wait and see what happens.
I’m hoping that with the limbo being over and all that, I’ll be a bit more able to get back to the writing of things and the making of things. I think I have a sculpture I’d like to try and make but I need hands that are a little more cooperative than they are today. Hopefully, we’ll get this all situated on the first try.
On the speech to text software – I’m definitely not going with LilySpeech in the long run. I don’t like that I have to remember to cut and paste every two paragraphs, I’ve lost several pages worth of dictation, and if I swear, it has a built in sensor. I don’t swear a lot in the blog or on FB but I do occasionally use a word or two in my stories and certainly in my personal communication. So, LilySpeech is out and I’m still looking. Though I sort of think I’d rather not use any of them – I feel a little like an idiot talking to myself like that.
Went to the first appointment with rheumatologist yesterday. I didn’t learn anything definitive. He does say I have some sort of inflammatory arthritis. Kind of knew that already. Now we just have to figure out which one because apparently there are a lot of them. So we did blood work out the ears, well, out the arms. 13 tubes! More X-rays. And now I have to wait for a while to find out anything more. This is one of those offices that only calls when the results are immediately icky. I’ll find out all the things when I go back.
He did prescribe a new medication hopefully that will help. I don’t know yet right now it seems there are less irritated places but the places that are irritated hurt more. But we’re only on the beginning of day 2 and it could take a while.
So think I found a reasonably decent speech-to-text software. It definitely works better than what came on my computer. In fact, I’m using it to write this. I can actually type today but I’m trying to put this through the courses while I’ve got a free trial so I can decide whether or not I want to keep it. The hardest part about speech-to-text software is knowing that you sound like an absolute idiot talking to your computer when nobody’s there but the dogs. For those interested, I’m using http://www.LilySpeech.com and so far it does pretty well. There are some little irritants but definitely recognizes my speech better than the one that came on my system and it recognizes when other people are talking to me and what they are saying. However, it is not as funny as the one that came on my system that just gives me random gibberish.
I’m going to give a go with the writing today and see how far I can get with poor Leilani. Fortunately I really like writing her, unfortunately, I have to do terrible things to this poor girl but hopefully, you people will enjoy it later.
I’ve got four events coming up, three local in person things where I’ll have my books and some of the things I make and one online Facebook party sort of thing where I’ll be giving away a book and maybe something special. The more I do these real world sort of events, the better I get at them. I’m not quite ready for the big events yet but I’m getting there. One of these days I shall get myself to Parsec and Steel City. Then I’ll think about the not so local – when my youngest is a little older also.
In July, I’ll be at the Follansbee Den on the 6th for lady’s night from 7-9pm and participating in a Facebook party on the 19th. My slot is scheduled for 6:30pm and I’ll have presents for some lucky individual. I’ll have more information on both of them as we get a little closer.
I haven’t been writing as much as I want because I’ve done something to my right arm and it hurts and by the time I’m done doing my “day” job, typing my own stuff doesn’t work so well. It’s slowly getting better and I probably just pulled something but it’s seriously annoying when I have things I want to get finished!
Gods of the Fallen is coming along really well. I’ve basically got my outline draft done – it’s certainly not readable. It’s basically a very loose sketch of how the story is going to work. There’s a lot that the draft is missing of course but this is the closest I’ll ever get to doing an outline of any kind. I don’t count this as an outline because it’s a series of the important scenes that I have to tie together and smooth out. It does give me a path of sorts to follow but I’ll veer off it likely as not in the rewrites.
Getting ready for the local events, I’m making more stuff that might fit a little better in the place where I live – less artsy and more functional but not a bit boring. It’s a little more difficult to work in the summer with all the kids wanting to go places, do things, see people. I should have worked harder to raise hermits (not really, it’s good that they don’t want to be like their mother in that regard).
Yesterday was a little rough. It was the first father’s day without him. It just sort of felt like a wrong thing for me. But, it is what it is and I’ve just got to get used to it.
By the time I get the schedule figured out to do all the things I need to be doing, school will be back in session. That’s ok. We’ll have fun. The youngest is ready to go hunt Pokemon again. The oldest is being a teenager (but at least he’s not half as teenagery as I was). I’m working on a few new crafty things but I really don’t like how they’re turning out just yet so it’s back to sewing machine with me. I’m working on a new book that I like very much. I’m doing a lot of figuring though – between the colony ships, timelines, and a whole new set of mythologies to work up, most of the work so far has been in my head. Well, technically it was in a notebook but Alfred decided I took too long at the bus stop one morning and now that notebook is gone.
It’s been really hard to be productive this year. I find myself all the time wishing I could send a few pages to my dad so he could tell me if it made any sort of sense at all. It was a huge benefit for me to have someone who didn’t read fiction reading my fiction. If something wasn’t explained adequately enough, he was quick to let me know so I could do better. And he was always supportive. He never tried to get me to write a different “Gendre” (that’s genre with a random D in it? I don’t get it either but now I miss it). He certainly tried to get me to read more nonfiction but he was only supportive with the writing. It’s weird knowing I don’t have that anymore. Yes, my family is supportive in their own way – mostly, that they let me do it without too many interruptions but it’s not the same thing as having someone who makes a point to ask if you’ve gotten any words on the daily. It’s stupid because that irritated me when I was struggling to write and now, I miss it terribly.
I can’t just stop everything though, can I? not if I want to reach the goals I set for myself. And I’m going to reach them. It may take me another 20 years but, so be it. I’ll get there. I’m doing a marathon, not a sprint. And now I have to go write someone else’s obituary. 😦 RIP to Adam West.
And now I have to go write someone else’s obituary over at the Geek Girl Project. 😦 RIP to Adam West.
I’ve got a new project I’m working on – the working title is Gods of the Fallen. I’ve put about 2650 words into it this weekend but there’s a lot of worldbuilding going on in my head. I’ve got some pages full of notes on the history of the planet, the science of the planet. I like thinking about how people would deal with specific things that we could find if we did colonize other worlds. How would we deal with a planet where you either never got to see the sun or never got to see the dark – both of which we humans seem to need. I’m having some fun with the mythologies but that’s always my favorite part of world building. I make the rest up as I go. I’ll note geography and characters and all of my little checkov’s guns along the way so I can keep true and make sure all those guns go off by the end.
I do have a fun playlist for this one. It’s in two parts because I’m still building up my Pandora station for it and some of the things are so not related that I don’t think Pandora would put them together. I’ve been having fun exploring the music of it though. And I have a whole bunch of new to me rocking women to listen to and you can’t beat that.
Today was more productive than just my writing. My oldest son and I planted most of the garden, I snuggled with my poor little Alfred who has a hurt toe and is absolutely milking it. Then I went to the store and caught up with an old friend and got caught in a super downpour where I discovered that there is a slight downside to my purple hair. Playing in the rain stains my shirt a little. At least it wasn’t a good shirt.
Filed under Life, WIP, Writing